Finding Mr. Right –

My former husband Mike and I had this little argument.  His argument was that he was accusing me of being carnal, because I like a good looking man.  So I asked him if I weighed 200 lbs. when he met me if he would have dated me, and he would not answer me.  He would not answer me because what he was accusing me of, he was guilty of (being carnal). 

Men are very visual or body conscious, and many overweight men still want a fairly good-shaped woman.  Since I’ve been widowed, I met a man that was bald and he had a gut so he would not qualify as the most attractive man, but I liked his personality and I thought he was (sexy) attractive to me.   Most women I talk to its personality over the physical.  If there is something about a man’s smile and personality, than we can get above the physical.   The personality seems to drive the physical attraction.   It’s just the way “my heart sees his face” every day and he is joy to wake up next to.   If the guy has a bitter/judgmental tongue, than no amount of good looks make up for a negative person.

It’s not good to judge other people.  Most everyone that has sent me a negative email about something are guilty of the very thing they are judging me about.  I see it over and over again.  The Bible says not to judge.  That God is able to make us stand as his servants.  I’m not concerned about my reputation, because it was ruined before I became a Christian and in going through a divorce.  Like Job, who lost everything in life, he was not concerned about his reputation either, it was keeping his integrity.

Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand. Romans 14:4

Not everyone is the same as men or women.  I am more physical than emotional and always have been.  I was married to an engineer.  He was not affectionate, especially not in public around people,  not romantic, never complimented or praised me on very much, rarely said “I love you or appreciate you.”  He was not a hand holder, and he could fix things around the house, but it was hard to pin him down to do things around the house because he was busy having fun with his friends golfing, boating or snow skiing in the winter.

I find that most men in life are selfish, some are just more selfish than others.  So my challenge was to take a selfish man and make him a little less selfish.  He became  a little less selfish is that he became more affectionate and romantic because I was the one that “chased him” after we were married.  I initiated the affectionate, communication and sex many times in the marriage.  

My mother-in-law has been married over 60 years and right now she is not happy at all.   It’s because all her life she did everything for her man and she did not have her own needs met for companionship. It’s because some men don’t know how to be a team player in marriage.  It’s the same way at church, it’s finding a team player at church.  Marriage represents church. 

Church and marriage is the same thing.  It’s about finding a person who is a good team player.   I don’t know what people think church is, but church is not sitting next to a bunch of strangers Sunday after Sunday warming some church pew.  John the Baptist did not warm a church bench.  It’s being in “community” and knowing what is going on in a person’s life on a regular basis.  Making disciples is what Jesus told us to do.

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

My daughter was telling me on her mission trip to Africa that they worked well as a team.  That is what I look for is people I can work well as a team.  I’ve worked on several teams on college projects so I know what working on a team entails.  Many people have been in sports so they know what team playing is about.   If a person never was on a team in sports, work or college, they may not understand that productivity is better when you work on a good team and combine our resources. 

There are some people that insist on being micro-managers.  Church is finding a team that you can work with and hopefully, it’s finding a pastor that is a team player and it’s not all about him.    With God, it’s not all about God, and it’s not all about me – I’m a “co-worker” with God.  1 Cor. 3:9

I don’t picture John the Baptist as a pew warmer.  John had his disciples and one came to Jesus when he was in prison waiting to be beheaded.  Jesus had quite a big following of disciples of around 70 before things got hard and then it got down to 12.

The message at Indian Creek (visited Father’s Day with my daughter Sandy who goes there) about how some people sort of hide out at church and only go for a very short time to ease their conscience, but can’t wait to get out to go do something the rest of Sunday.  He talked about how some leave before the music ended, or during communion, or different times before the one-hour service is over.  There were times my husband and I went to a church we attended, and left early if we had something we wanted to do, but most of the time we stayed and talked to friends and had coffee at our small church after service.  They had pitch-in’s once a month. 

If I get married, and I am the one doing the yard work, cleaning the house, taking care of the children, getting my car fixed, taking the children to the doctor, doing laundry, working a full time job, and my husband constantly criticizes me day in and day out that I can never do anything right.  A crisis comes up and that person is not there to emotionally support me than why I did I get married? There is no amount of sex on this planet that is worth that slavery. 

God's word says we are not to be “slaves of man” that include a husband. 

Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. 1 Peter 2:16

You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 1 Cor. 7:23

Same with church, if I have been faithful to pay tithes and offerings and a crisis comes up in my life and there is no emotional support from the pastor or church, than I'm not reaping any spiritual benefits.  God make us more caring people than health professionals.  I have a friend who told me his pastor drove way out to some country church for his mother's funeral.  That was a pastor going the extra mile.

If we have sown spiritual things among you, is it too much if we reap material things from you? 1 Cor. 9;11

Bearing a yoke equally at church or in marriage.  There are exceptions at times when one is sick or working on a college degree that a person cannot bear the yoke equally.  In Proverbs he talks about the “abundant harvests” and that is what a good team effort at church and team effort in marriage produces.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox come abundant harvests. Proverbs 14:4

I’ve seen several churches go through spiritual attacks, pastors go through attacks, and marriage go through death or divorce and that is an attack on that abundant harvest we can produce in our lives through having a good team partner.  Some of this can be a readjustment sort of like getting our back in alignment or when the planets align in getting us in a more caring church.

What I miss the most is having a great Quarterback in life as a wide receiver.  He was my best prayer partner and I’ve never been able to replace that prayer partner in five years.  The effectual prayer of a righteous man avails much like Elijah and the effectual prayer of two righteous people (who know they are righteous through the blood of Jesus) avails even more.  James 5:16

Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. Matthew 18:19

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7