The Dating Game Revised to Modern Day Society - 50th Golden Anniversary Edition

I used to watch the Dating Game when I was growing up.  I don't remember it being quite like it is in real life.  They need a revised version of the game for 50, 40 and 30 year olds.  Bachelor #1, divorced 3 times,  house, overweight, heart condition;  Bachelor #2 kids, no house, crazy ex-wife, filed bankruptcy; Bachelor #3, kids are grown, no house, dumpy car, job 2nd shift.   I was divorced several years ago with 4 small children and one in college, a house, a job at 35 years old.  I placed an ad in a single's secular magazine for a Christian single professional parent and that is what I received.

It can be rather "crazy" sometimes in dating, but I have met a lot of nice guys.  My preference is to seriously date a person who has lost his wife in a good relationship like I lost my husband and was in a good relationship.  I recognize those men are in high demand.  It's like bidding against many opponents at an estate sale and the highest bidder wins.  That person does not have all the bitterness and strife towards an ex-spouse.  As long as you are not threatened by a person's ghost (memories) you will do well with a person who has lost a spouse to death.  I've been warned about not making comparisons in a new relationship.  I don't think that will be hard to do because I am a very realistic person as far as I knew all my husband's flaws just like I am aware of my own flaws.  Love covers a multitude of flaws (faults).

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

The Lord gave me a word recently and He said, "A servant of the Lord must not strive."  I know God was telling me not to strive in getting a guy.  To be myself as when I met my husband.   That does not mean I sit on my hands.  Even though one scripture says not strive, another scripture says to strive to enter into rest. 

Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. Hebrews 4:11
And the Lord's servant must not strive, but be gentle towards all, apt to teach, forbearing, 2 Tim 2:24

There is a struggle in a cocoon when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly.  I know it means that I've met some guys that if you look cross-eyed at them or type the wrong thing in email they have a tendency to "write you off" that you are a certain way.  They have no back-bone or perseverance and I don't need a person who is easily defeated or gives up fast.  Not when God says we are more than conquerors.  I like a warrior type attitude.

As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:36-37

My father took me fishing every vacation when I was a little girl and rarely do I remember a fish jumping in my boat wanting to be caught and ate for dinner.  It can happen where a fish jumps up in the water and accidentally lands in the boat when it is jumping up in the air.  More likely you pulled on the fishing line and jerk it a little bit and sometimes a fish will tug back and forth.  I found dating my husband was like a tug of war game where he was trying to pull me in and I would let go of the rope, not quite sure he was the right person for me.  I think if either of us would have been too easy too catch than there would not be quite the challenge.

Personally, since a man who lost his wife is more like an estate sale, I would like a man who has fresh boot marks on his forehead.  The song Nancy Sinatra (and later Jessica Simpson), "These boots are made for walking and one of these days these boots are going to walk all over you."  It's a person who has been walked on and his ego is crushed.  I think a person like that appreciates a woman who is going to cherish him, build his ego up and treat him nicely.   Just what I see with the eye of my faith.  As long as he sees a great opportunity when it comes knocking on his door.  Most of the dating advice says that a man has to see you as someone better than himself.  Men never married are quite a treat also, as far as their tender hearts are not crushed.  They need to get past the fear of commitment.  They remind me of a person who has all the training to go scuba diving, but then won't go jump in the ocean, they want to stay in a pool.

I could not compete with my husband in intelligence in science (engineering/physics) and math/calculus as a professional engineer, but my husband did not have the social skills I had in making friends or knowledge I have in God's word.  He respected my ability to hear the voice of my spirit and asked for me to let him know whenever God spoke to me to do something and not say later, "I had a bad feeling about that/or I did not have a peace about doing that."

I woke up this morning listening to a Christian couple in town on a radio station and the wife has a comedy ministry.  They were talking about traveling together and ministering and how they have never been apart for 28 years more than three days.  I see a fundamental problem with this in that planning for the evitable in that unless God is merciful in allowing this couple to be taken at the same time as in the Notebook movie, when one leaves the earth, what is it going to be like in the future for that soul that is left?  There are certain things I like to harp on (is that like playing my harp?) To talk or write about to an excessive and tedious degree; dwell on.  One reason I harp on and dwell on this issue, because we are all headed towards the same end in life.  I got their early.  I know many people want to avoid the inevitable and so did my husband.  He made a joke when I commented about his eating ice cream every night and said, “At least I will die happy.”  It was a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I heard awhile back as a Christian we need to live like Jesus is coming back today and plan like he is not coming back.  We plan for our weekends, vacations, paying off our house mortgage, paying off a new car loan, finishing college, when we are going to have children as a couple, and our wedding day when we are engaged.  I know businesses have strategic plans which are usually five years.  I have a strategic plan.  I have a retirement plan and a Will.  My husband had insurance and a Will.  He had separate insurance for his children and me as his wife, because his insurance at work only could cover funeral expenses.  I have a plan of want I to accomplish in the next five years.   Most all spousal loss books tell you to live one day at a time, but the danger in Christians not planning is than you don’t have a purpose driven life.   You can be tossed to and fro each day by today’s circumstances.   How many single parents plan for their future or are they just surviving for today?  Feeding and clothing their children each day.  What is your five-year plan as far as ministry goals, friendship goals, or family goals?  Joseph planned for seven years of plenty to store up food and then seven years of famine.

Seven years of great abundance are coming throughout the land of Egypt, but seven years of famine will follow them. Then all the abundance in Egypt will be forgotten, and the famine will ravage the land. The abundance in the land will not be remembered, because the famine that follows it will be so severe. Genesis 41:30-31

Like Joseph talked about above, the famine in my life emotionally in losing my husband is so severe, it’s hard to remember 15 years I had of abundance and joy of a good relationship and wedding bliss!  That is what Joseph was saying is that people were starving physically so that they did not remember the good times.  When the stock market fell during the great depression a lot of people took their life because they lost their lifetime savings investment and were paupers.  It’s not anything than any of us people who put in 10-20-30-50 years of investment into a person that we despair of life itself.  Like David I’ve spent many days and night soaking my bed in tears:

I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. Psalm 6:6

God has good plans for us!  No point in moping around the rest of life.  So many widows I meet do.  It’s been 12 years for one and she won’t call me when she goes through depression.  When a person goes through this they will understand what I’m talking about.   I’m not being a pessimistic person, I’m just talking about being prepared for the inevitable.  

So there is hope for your future," declares the LORD. "Your children will return to their own land. Jeremiah 31:17

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

An older widow who leads spousal groups told me I was "lucky" when I lost my husband as far as I had college, outside ministries and an outside job whereas she was a joint-owner in a photography business with her husband.  She lost her husband at the same age from a heart attack.  Her husband and her did not have outside interests (outside hobbies, work and social activities outside the marriage relationship).  It was also good that I had single divorced girl friends and married girl friends.   A couple of scriptures that are very applicable as far as when we realize how short/temporary this life really is:

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26

What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 1 Cor. 7:29

I  believe in praying for a helpmate from God in life.   A helpmate is a person to help in the harvest.  I see that a helpmate is a fellow harvester.  Ask the Lord of the harvest as the scripture says below for a fellow harvester.   A fellow giver.  My husband was involved in church ministry and community ministry and work socials (volunteer in Boy Scouts, Homeowners Board) while I was involved in other ministries such as women ministries, prison and children’s ministries. 

Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." Matthew 9:37-38

The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble (sorrow) to it. Proverbs 10:22

God gave Noah the plans to build an ark not sure how many years it took to build it.  It was a long building process.  God can certainly give us a plan for our life. 

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

That span of time concerns the time God allowed mankind to live, from the time He made His pronouncement, to the flood - Genesis 6:3. God set a time limit (120 years), just in case people would repent. God has used this principle again and again. Jonah 3:9-10 is a good example. It also gave Noah time to preach the way of righteousness to the same end.  if he did not spare the ancient world when he brought the flood on its ungodly people, but protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness, and seven others; 2 Peter 2:5

In Genesis 6:13-16 we find God's instructions for building the ark, but there is no inkling as to when the work began or how long it took to construct the ark:

"And God said to Noah, 'The end of all flesh has come before me, for the earth is filled with violence through them; and behold, I will destroy them with the earth. "Make yourself an ark of gopherwood; make rooms in the ark, and cover it inside and outside with pitch. And this is how you shall make it: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits. You shall make a window for the ark, and you shall finish it to a cubit from above; and set the door of the ark in its side. You shall make it with lower, second, and third decks.' " (Genesis 6:13-16)

Crazy – Mercy Me

Why I would I spend my life longing for the day that it would end..
Why would I spend my time pointing to another man..
Isn't that crazy

How can I find hope in dying, with promises unseen..
How can I learn your way is better
In everything I'm taught to be..
Isn't that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who's calling out to me..
And even though the world may think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity
And if I boast let me boast
Of filthy rags made clean
And if I glory let me glory
In my Savior's suffering
Isn't that crazy

And as I live this daily life
I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me
Isn't that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who is calling out to me..
And even though the world my think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

Call me crazy
You can call me crazy
Call me crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who is calling out to me..
And even though the world may think that
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy, It would be crazy, It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

Isn't That crazy..
Call me crazy
You can call me crazy
Call me crazy