Self-Preservation / Survival Instincts

Self-preservation is one of the highest drives of human nature.  (Protection of oneself from harm or destruction. The instinct for individual preservation; the innate desire to stay alive.)  I always liked that song by the BeeGees, “Staying Alive.” 

It’s what kept the pilgrims and the pioneers going.  It’s part of survival of the species.  

I guarantee if we were on the Titanic, we would have been looking for a life boat or a life jacket when it started going down.  I believe that part in the movie where the man tries to take Rose's life jacket away from her would probably be true.  And I just bet it may end up like Die Hard With a Vengeance where it becomes every man for himself.  Just a “gut” feeling of mine!  My understanding that only men got in the life boats because no one was in panic at first and it was an encouragement for the women to get in them with the children, because they really did not believe Titanic could sink.  Every boat can sink given the right happenstances, same way that our life is very fragile.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14

From the time my husband died (or I was divorced), self-preservation was activating in my life, which later becomes very necessary as a widow or single woman because eventually we need it for the amount of predators one comes in contact.   For me, self-perseveration is mostly related to getting my physical, emotional and spiritual needs met and making sure my children’s needs are met.
  

Abigail went against her husband’s Nabal wishes in the Bible to save and preserve her household when her servant reported what he did.  David was going to wipe out (kill) everyone.  1 Samuel 25

Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal. 1 Samuel 25:19

Four years after I lost my husband, my friend Brandy and I went on this single’s adventure to New Zealand.  It was sponsored by the ABC show The Bachelor, and it was an incredible deal.  We were flying to one of the cities on a private tour, and the clouds were so very beautiful and I was looking across the clouds, and I said, “God this is so beautiful and peaceful, can I go to heaven right now?”  Right when I had that thought, at that exact moment, we hit this air pocket and the plane dipped down and my friend Brandy screamed.

Then I said, “God I really don’t think my friend Brandy is quite ready to go right now like I am ready to go.” 

If you ever watch that movie Leap Year where the woman is sitting on the plane headed to Ireland to propose to her boyfriend of four years, bad weather hits and the plane starts dipping down, and all the oxygen masks fall out and the woman says, “I want to get engaged, I want to be engaged before I go.”  It’s because women want to be engaged, some want to have children, and my friend Brandy had certain things she wanted to experience in life. 

I’ve already done everything I have wanted to do in life.  I’ve already had a great relationship and climbed Mt. Everest.  It helps having a new grandson, because my other two grandsons my husband was here so they are part of my grief in losing him, as far as he was so good with children.  It’s sort of like my life is on borrowed time. Paul said, “I desire to depart and be with Christ, but to stay here is better for you.” 

A scripture that has always bothered me is how Sarah obeyed Abraham knowing he told a half-truth to King Abimelech (Genesis 20:2) and she went to live in a king’s harem.  How can a person who loves their spouse put them in harm’s way? It bothers me that a man of “faith” did that to his wife.  A plague came on Abimelech’s whole household because of Sarah.  The Bible says that “love does no harm to its neighbor.”  The apple does not fall far from the tree in that Isaac his son did the same thing (Genesis 26:1-35).   Abraham was not ready to go, he wanted to preserve his linage, and  he still did not have the promise child Isaac.  

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:5-6

Even Jesus had self-preservation about going to the cross, but he prayed, “Let this cup pass from me, but not as I will, your will be done.”   Jesus was only 33 years old when he went to the cross.  I saw my father fight pancreatic cancer at the age of 77 years old and he was given six months to live and he lived l-l/2 years fighting cancer.   With my mother, it was different, she gave up to the will to live once she found out she had gall bladder cancer, and remarkably I saw her pass away in the hospital around two days later once she got the news it spread to her liver.  We all thought she just was getting her gall bladder out and it turned out to be cancer.  My mother just gave up the ghost.

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39

Christian Hero Worship

There are different flavors of ice cream and everyone thinks their ice cream is the best. I’m glad if a person thinks their church and pastor is the best. I am not called to recruit people to church or my flavor of ice cream. I am called to make disciples of Jesus. My calling has always been evangelist so what church a person decides to go to is their own choosing. I am just interested to see if they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I have gotten people to go back to church who quit going, but what flavor of ice cream they decide is their own business. There are certain flavors I recommend at times.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Matthew 28:19

We are to “accept” one another although you like vanilla ice cream and I like chocolate.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7

I was charismatic and my husband was Presbyterian and we got along fine in our marriage. I personally like several Presbyterian churches where my in-laws attend and went to all their life and my husband was raised Presbyterian, because when they have mission sign up day they called me to see if I wanted to start a spousal loss group, come with them to the prisons and join their digital media team in making video productions for children. Although, I’m not into the more traditional style of worship, but like more contemporary worship, I like their evangelistic outreaches. I lead worship for a single’s group for the last three years, so let’s just say I appreciate that flavor of ice cream at times. It was another outreach for a season.

One of the biggest Christian hero worships I ran into is when I was 21 years old was the faith message. I was in Jacksonville, Florida at the time, and the church I attended was in the faith movement. Christians would stand for hours to talk to Kenneth Copeland or get his autograph on a piece of paper. It was like they wanted to touch him. It can be that way with race car drivers, rock stars or Hollywood stars. We see that many times that even children wanted to touch Jesus, so I’m not against touching people. Maybe a spiritual impartation or blessing can come at times and we see this with the apostles. The shadow of Peter healed people (Acts 5:15). Isaac blessed his sons Esau and Jacob.

One problem I see with this is Jesus was so busy as just one person anyone was lucky to ever get close to him. The woman with the issue of blood had to press through a crowd of people, a man who was let down through Peter’s roof to be healed (cut a hole in the roof) and the Gentile women that the disciples tried to prevent her from seeing Jesus when her daughter was ill. Same way with most mega church pastors. I can see why in James says to “call for the elders of the church to anoint us with oil and pray for the sick.” The elder of my friend’s daughter church came to the hospital and prayed for her with cancer. James 5:14

Pastors don’t have that kind of time to pray for everyone and neither does Kenneth Copeland. Jesus died and one of the purposes of him dying was to send the gift of the Holy Spirit inside of each and every one of us. When I get sick, I lay hands on myself –the Bible says if we lay hands on the sick “they will recover.” I’m exercising faith on my own self for healing.

And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Romans 8:11

Last weekend, I kept hearing this scripture in my mind:

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Ephesians 5:17

It reminds me of the parable of the foolish virgins who wanted to get oil from others. They were virgins so they were not believers contaminated with this world’s pollution, but when the bridegroom came to greet them, their oil ran out in their lamp, they went to buy oil and they missed out. I believe it’s a scripture that we can’t live on our parent’s spiritual coat tails, our pastor’s spiritual coat tails, Kenneth Copeland’s anointing, or other people’s prayers, we have to have our own oil in our lamps as far as our own intimate prayer and walk with the Lord. Our own close fellowship and study of His word. Mathew 25:1-10 (Five of them were foolish and five were wise. he foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them.)

I don’t know if you ever got into hero worship, but I think what happens is God eventually opens our eyes to a person’s faults, and then when we realize that every man puts his pants on just like anyone else. It can be secular hero worship or worship of God’s leaders. Even when someone came to Jesus and said he was good, Jesus said that only God is good,

"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone. Luke 18:19

Jesus was always giving glory to God, he was not into self-glory. But when it came to his purpose of being a king, he was the son of God and he knew who he was and the Jews got it right. They killed him for blaspheme. He never said he was just a prophet or a good man. God is always honoring Jesus (This is my beloved son in who I am well pleased Matthew 3:17), and the Holy Spirit is always pointing to Jesus. It’s hard at times to understand that God is in three persons, but they are always exalting each other. At the end of time, Jesus is going to hand over the kingdom to God the Father.

For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. But each in turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 1 Cor. 15:22-24

One of my hero worships was Phil Collins who sang romantic love songs. When he went through a divorce and I went to hear him in concert with my husband at Verizon, and he constantly used the “f” word and he talked about getting a woman back stage who he could “f” that really did it for my hero worship of a musician. I remember when I was a teenager, I liked the Beatles. I know some Christians worshiped Sandi Patty and Amy Grant and when they went through a divorce, than the hero worship stopped.

Church is made up of sinners. We all need the blood of Christ and prayer daily.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1 John 1:7

Understanding God's Foot Soldiers

I get in wrestling matches with God at times.  It’s like when Jacob wrestled with God in his sleep.  One was last night after talking to a man who served in Vietnam and asked me why a loving God allows such evil to exist in this world?  I really don't have any "quick" answers, but I look at Jesus life and he said the servant is not greater than the master.   (Remember what I told you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. John 15:20)  

Jesus battled continually on earth so don't think there is not a warfare going on in life.  It says in Philip. 2 that he did not use any of his divine privileges, but as the second Adam, he only used what everyone has available through God (Instead He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men. And when He had come as a man in His external form, Philip 2:7) 

A tornado hits or something like a killing in Boston, and then people realize that we are in a warfare.

I never served in a war or been around a war torn society so I don't hear screams, smell gas or flesh burning (memory recall), had to drive over bodies in the street, or shoot women and children.  I guess 90% of those killed were green and froze up the first time they had to kill someone. I don't wake up in cold sweats every night or go into a daze at times reliving a war experience. Although, the body count has risen in my family of relatives.

Recently, I had the opportunity to talk to someone who counsels war veterans.  He pulled people into helicopters on a crew in Vietnam. I was speaking to a mother whose son served in Iraq.  Some of their experiences is a little bit similar to what I experienced in going through a sudden death is that counselors are very ill-equipped to handle these type of war or life experiences because they never served in war---or they never had dealt with sudden death experiences in their own life. These counselors for Veterans or widows were trying to speak from case studies. They were speaking from their head not their hearts.

It's a lot better to talk to a person who has had real life experiences or served in war. Same in the body of Christ, it's better to speak to someone who understands spiritual warfare.

They had people blown up daily.  My daughter Sandy went through the same thing since she was present with me at my husband's death. So for a while it's the constant "rehashing" over and over of what you should have done/could have done type of experience, and now a lack of a sound sleep I had when I was married which is only a very small taste of a war veteran.  My five year old grandson James was afraid to leave me for fear (slept in bed with me), or left all the lights on at night, and every time he heard an ambulance, he thought someone died since he saw his grandfather carried away on an ambulance gurney.

In the past, I was more like a foot solider in God's army as far as I'll go anywhere and do anything for God. I was involved with several others in street evangelism for several years and experienced some 'interesting" times during the 70's and a couple of street riots during that time where people would break in and loot stores in the middle of that era --once in Washington D.C. during Nixon's resignation and another time when I was in California a riot broke out and police officer used Billy clubs to move the crowd.

And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! Romans 10:15 and Isaiah 52:7

One problem with seeing myself as a foot soldier is there is a tendency to be like David treated Uriah after so many battles is that when we are on the front lines all the time, we are expendable.

No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. 2 Timothy 2:4

I have found that human life is very valuable. We see a clue of this when God sent Jonah to go and preach to Nineveh. Jonah apparently did not like them, and did not want to do it. God spoke about the cattle and the young children.

And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left--and also many animals?" Jonah 4:11

It's hard to see a loving God in war times. I find one scripture that talks about the reason for war:

What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don't they come from the cravings that are at war within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  James 4:1-3

When we place a low value on ourselves at times than it's easier to dishonor others. After being treated with contempt in a former marriage, God used a woman at my workplace to help me understand how men have been treated with contempt too, and I was able to put their shoes on my feet.  It really helped me break that cycle of what happened in me so I did not disrespect men in return.

It may have been a little easier for people on the Titanic to ignore the screams of the people in the water thinking they were steerage. Same way with watching how Rosa Lee Parks refused to see herself as devalued to go to the back of the bus as far as the way the blacks were treated with separate water faucets and use different bathrooms, etc. A devalue of other races.  That happened in Jesus times with the Samaritans.  A little easier to shut away the elderly and ignore them and get an abortion when we don't value human life, but see babies as a fetus.  A little easier to kill or ignore the oppressed at times.
 
Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God. Proverbs 14:31

Contempt: The feeling or attitude of regarding someone or something as inferior, base, or worthless; scorn. The state of being despised or dishonored; disgrace. 
 
We can also treat God's word and his grace with contempt.
 
Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4
 
What I have come to find out is that God sees us as ambassadors for him. I've been sent on assignment from God so I pray about those assignments and at times it may be those "short" negotiations.  Sort of like the Jedi knights had very short negotiations with the Trade Federation on Star Wars, but I recognize who my commanding officer is.

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2 Cor. 5:20

For Those Tears I Died

My youngest daughter Sandy had a hard time at her college graduation ceremony on Mother's Day in missing her step-father who raised her since she was 3-4 years old. For me, I missed my mother more at her ceremony than my husband not being there. But it's sort of like my mother is a passing good memory after losing her 15 years ago.

I had a dream the night before the graduation that Sandy was a little girl and she was drowning in a lake and I tried to rescue her by pulling her out of the lake and doing CPR, but it did not work. I believe the lake she was drowning in were her tears and sorrow that day in missing him.

It’s hard to focus on a joyous occasion in our lives, when we miss a person we want to share our most precious moments with. I remembered a song that day I used to sing as a young Christian: “For Those Tears I Died.”

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev. 21:4

People don’t miss a person very long when they leave earth, because they never bonded with that person in a great way. I barely ever saw my grandparents so when I lost my grandfather when I was 19 years old and then my grandmother at around age 27, it was not as traumatic because I never had a very close bond with them. At most I saw them one week in the summer a year. I miss my mother more than my father because I was very closely “knit” to my mother. The deeper the love bond, the deeper the loss.

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. Col 3:14
I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them Hosea 11:4

You Said You Would Share All My Sorrows:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX7ucgWlusY

Got Punched Out Lately?

There were many times I was not on my husband's "most popular" list because I did not pull any punches, I told him like it was. If I thought he was being a jerk I told him he was a jerk. (Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Proverbs 27:6)

I like David’s attitude because there was a man who went around cursing David, but he told them not to forbid his cursing in case God wanted him to go through cursing (the rebuke) at that time. It’s just a different way of looking at persecution is when to accept fault finding and when not to.

David then said to Abishai and all his officials, "My son, my own flesh and blood, is trying to kill me. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. It may be that the LORD will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today." So David and his men continued along the road while Shimei was going along the hillside opposite him, cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt. 2 Samuel 16:11-13

We can always find a person weaker in life to bully, boss around, or take our problems out on. Reminds me of junior high. I had kids that gave me a hard time so I took out my problems on other kids of lower income. People are quick at times to find fault. So I’ve been asking the Lord, “Lord when someone criticizes me, do I just not say anything back and not defend myself?” Paul said we are like sheep sent to the slaughter.

As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." Romans 8:36 and Psalm 44:22
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23 and Isaiah 53:7

God and I have been in this wrestling match lately as far I’ve been asking him when should I defend myself if ever.

Than one Saturday morning, I had a knock on my door early in the morning from IPD (Indianapolis Police Department). At first I thought my grandson James did something who spent the night. The last time I had knock on the door from IPD, my roommate was at fault because she did not realize her car license plate was expired parking on the street and someone reported it. Anyway, the IPD and Animal Control said they were there about my dogs.

Only problem is I don’t have any pets. That is the first thing he said, “We are here for your dogs, Mam.” The police officer was very surprised when I said, “I don’t have any dogs.” “I don’t have any pets.” It was like he did not believe me. Why should I accept the blame for a dog problem that is not my problem? The neighbor allowing her dogs in my yard, so someone in the neighborhood assumed they were my dogs.

The sin problem is not my problem either, Jesus dealt with the sin problem on the cross. We can always find “some” weakness in another person if we are looking for flaws when we fail to appropriate the love and blood of Jesus over their life and our own life. (Love covers a multitude of faults 1 Peter 4:8). It’s a man-centered gospel of what we do or others do rather than God working in us.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, Ephesians 3:20

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Cor. 5:17

When Peter asked Jesus what John was going to be doing Jesus said, “Come follow me.” (Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." John 21:22)

Faults at times are more easy to see. Criticism may be constructive or destructive, but take it with a grain a salt as far as if it applies, take it and if it doesn’t apply to me, than I just say, “God bless them" and I pray for them that God. It says to "bless" those who persecute us.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Romans 12:14
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44