Creating Your Own Legacy in Life...A Going Out of Business Sale

Create Your Own Legacy helps you to delve into questions about your values, life’s purpose and personal legacy – how you want to contribute to the world. Uncover the values that govern your life and work and reflect on whether or not your work and philanthropy are in alignment with those values. Decide what needs to change and take steps toward pursuing your purpose.

I attend a single's Bible study on Tuesdays and afterwards, I like to go out to eat ice cream with a group of friends and we usually sit around and discuss God's word in more detail.  Sometimes my conversations are not the best in life, and I get into course jesting at times, but I know when I discuss God’s word with other Christians, there is a record of that conversation that God is keeping:

Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard.  A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name.  Malachi 3:38

I use movie quotes and analogies as Jesus related to his generation by examples of farming and fishing since he was speaking to the common man.  American society is entrenched in the culture of Hollywood and most people can relate to a good movie.  Movies are written through the inspiration of screen writers or books, and are based on many true life experiences.  I use the inspiration from movies, and then apply these movie examples to God’s word. I don’t pull any punches (speak in an honest way) on the blogs as far as they apply to life circumstances.  

My favorite movie inspiration was when the Lord told me that “He spared no expense” as in the movie Jurassic Park.  I like to cut corners in buying designer Coach purses from vendors that cost $60.00.  My husband cut corners by taking our boat to an auto mechanic, but then the auto mechanic put car parts on the boat rather than boat parts so I had to redo fixing the boat and take it to a professional.  God does not cut corners in life.  He sent the best of the best which was his only son.  Much like the Jurassic Park owners spared no expense with their wonderful ice cream.  Now, when you have dinosaurs chasing you in life and biting off your arms and legs who can appreciate that God spared no expense?  C.S. Lewis, who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia,  said that losing his wife was like having his arm amputated and a stub to remind him of it daily.  It’s the daily grind that all of us widowed or who have lost a child has a reminder that a dinosaur swallowed up our loved one and they are gone.  I can't even imagine Job's wife in the Bible who lost all of her children in one day.  One child would be bad enough.

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

Believing in the love of God and God's goodness is understanding that we can’t get our love ones back or our former lives back, and now what steps we take to move on from this day forward.  Some of that for me is doing things that my husband would have never been able to do.  Because of his chronic asthma, he would have never been able to scuba dive.  I got my PADI scuba diving certification last year.  So building a new life is doing new adventures and it was traveling to Australia to visit my son and daughter who moved there and going with the ABC television camera crew for the Bachelor Jason on a single’s Matchmaker flight to New Zealand and bungy jumping.

I always wanted to have married couples over at our house more, because in Florida there was a lot of southern hospitality with Christian couples, but my husband and I were very busy raising our six children and attending many of their sporting events.  I hosted and sponsored seven single socials at my house and two at my niece's home one year.  I still continue to host single socials and boating events.  My friend saw a comedian talking about that he never saw a person frown on a wave runner.  Creating my own legacy in life was fulfilling dreams of travel and things I always wanted to do.  Every time I would look at someone bungy jump on television, I always said to myself, "I want to do that."  Doing something that I've always wanted to do was very exhilarating.  I know many of my friends have done Tandem skydiving.

  

After my husband passed, my relatives and family immediately starting pushing me to do things to continue the legacy of my husband.  I’m not out to continue the legacy of my husband, but I’m creating my own legacy in life of what God wants me to do.  God showed me to honor my in-laws like I would my own parents.  He brought my husband’s parents, and his sister into my life as a replacement for my parents and sister who passed away, and it was a relationship that developed over eighteen years now.  It was very difficult with my sister-in-law when my deceased husband and I first were married, because she was very good friends with my husband’s ex-wife, but eventually she came around to respecting me.

In going through a divorce previously, I tried to keep a good relationship with my children’s grandparents.  It’s very difficult in a divorce (a death of a relationship) or a death (losing a person the rest of your life) because family will take sides and friends take sides.  Many people offer their opinions about when you should remarry or what you should do.  I find it is best to report to God in life and not people.  

We can let God be God of our relationships and decide who He wants for us to be friends with.  People come and go in my life.  I pray about all my friendships that God will bring the right friends in my life.  Jesus had his inner core of three disciples which were Peter, James and John that he trusted more information and revelation with, and then the other disciples.  The other 70 left when the going got rougher.

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve.  John 6:66-67

This was not business as usual in my life.  My whole life and my whole economy (income) was turned upside down and I’ve got a “going out of business sale sign up on my home door now.” 

When my life was turned upside down from a divorce with four small children at home and one in college, I took advantage of all the government grants to go to college and work on a computer programming degree.  I worked full time, went to college at night, and stayed off of welfare and food stamps.  With the lack of some child support, I rented out my garage to make extra income to pay my mortgage.  My children and I lived in a moderate home. 

A neighbor in my current subdivision lost his management job with American Airlines after 9/11 so he went back to college to get his Master’s degree and is now teaching Math at a public high school.  Like me in a crisis situation, my neighbor and myself took a bad circumstance and changed it to an opportunity.  I went to secular single socials, Christian single socials, and when I was at a single’s meeting they passed out a single’s magazine.   I overcame my fear of meeting a stalker, and put an ad in that magazine and that is where I met my husband. 

I’ve not quite understood the difference between being widowed and divorced, but two years after my husband passed away, I realized that I was forcing God’s hand by jumping too fast too soon into a relationship.  I don’t know why when I was divorced in putting an ad in a single’s magazine was not forcing God’s hand only l-l/2 years after a divorce, but to say that the inspiration must have come from God, because I had to overcome my own fears to do that.  I realize at times I can be like Sarah and Abraham and push a fleshly relationship and it was not according to God’s promise in my life.  I had a bad/short second marriage that was like that.

Anyway, I've had several opportunities to get in a serious relationship, but I've not found a person who is the exact fit to what I'm looking for.   A guy friend and I were talking about how many people get lonely and they will get in a relationship, but then when something better comes along, than they will break up with that person for someone else.   I'm not going to put my energy into a relationship to build a foundation unless I have faith that the foundation (that person's value system and legacy) is close to mine. 

Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? Luke 14:28

I think many times dating couples put too much pressure on a relationship (too deep too fast) for it to work rather than finding a person that they enjoy spending time with.  I found a person I enjoyed spending time with and then it got to the point, I did not want to let him go.  It’s similar to the next door boy I grew up with as far as having fun with him.  I could not wait to go outside each morning and have fun with the neighbor boy my age.  So right now in my life, I'm determining what guy will be the most fun in life.  It's sort of like Capitol One, "no hassle credit card."  The guy who has the least hassels in life.

I had blogged previously that to me a relationship is like bungy jumping.  You make sure the bungy cord matches your body type (physical attraction) and then you have a comfortable harness (comfortable in being around a person and they are joy to be around) and then you take the leap of faith and take the bungy dive trusting in those two.  If you are not comfortable around a person and they are a stick in the mud then not going to be much of a soul mate for the day in and day out grind in life. 

  

I was watching an older movie recently with my daughter, You've Got Mail.  It was about the character Kathleen Kelly did not only lose her business to Joe Fox and his super bookstore, but she had previously lost her mother to death.  These changes forced her to become a writer/editor of children's books.  I started blogging after my husband passed away, and I believe soon I will write a devotional for singles and widows, much like Utmost in His Highest by Oswald Chambers.   Much like the person in the movie started writing, I've started writing.

Divorce for me was deliverance from Egypt since it was bondage being in a bad relationship.  No joy in serving and being around a person who was like a task master to me.  Instead of a whip beating me over my back to make bricks, it was a person who constantly beat me up with words.   I consider that scripture where the curse in the Bible, "the desire will be to your husband and he will lord it over you."  I would rather have my desire be to God and then let him use a person in my life to bless me which was my spouse!  It was not a yoke of bondage and serving a brick task maker of no joy in a relationship.  The yoke of marriage was joy.

American women are waking up to realize we don't want to marry a man who wants to be taken care of like raising another child (being their mother), but a person who equally pulls their weight in marriage as far as pitching in when needed with a helping hand.  As the scripture below this is an abundant harvest in life!   Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest.  Proverbs 14:4

Peter, who was married in the Bible, talked being heirs together of the grace of life and that nothing would hinder our prayers when you are in agreement as a couple.  Paul talked about submitting one to another.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21

I liked the movie Romancing the Stone and it is about a woman who wrote romance novels and she goes down in South America to help her sister who got in trouble and kidnapped, and she has adventures with a man that romances her and steals a precious stone from her.  In the process, he falls in love with her and then he shows up with a sailboat at her door.  Wow, I would not mind a man showing up with a huge sailboat at my door!   Anyway, women read way too many romance novels and that sure puts a lot pressure on a man to fulfill their every desire.   Just like this writer in the movie.  The only stone I can romance is the stone that the builders rejected, and I have found that the man of my dreams continues to be Jesus, and He caused my husband to be tender-loving and caring.  I could receive thousands of compliments in life from a person, and it will never compare to receiving the approval and favor of God in my life.  Having favor with man is important to success in life like Joseph had favor, and I had favor with my husband, but seeking the approval and favor of God above all others is what I believe is the best pleasure in this world. 

I like that comment on the movie, Legally Blonde:

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye... no
Elle: Well this is so much better than that. Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.

Elle getting her goals and going to Harvard passed up a physical relationship with a man.  To me serving and pleasing God has passed up anything this planet has to offer.   Moses found that serving God was the greatest and he saw the glory of God.  What could be greater than seeking the pleasures that God has for us at his right hand?  Marriage becomes pleasurable when a couple is seeking God as the center of their relationship.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:1

He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. Hebrews 11:25

Much of the pleasure of God I’ve found in life has been in spending time in God’s presence in worshipping him.  I would compare it to making love to a person and either you can have the 3-minute version which is 2-3 song worship service and a 20-minute service or you can really take the time to make love in a relationship.  Sometimes I attend a church just for a good worship/praise service.

I also believe loving Jesus is proportionate in how much we love his word.  Jesus was the word of God made flesh.  In the beginning was the word and the word became flesh.  (John 1:1,14)  Martha was busy serving, but Mary had chosen the better part which is to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to him and that part would not be taken away from her. (Luke 10:42)

I believe sitting at the Lord’s feet is when I am continually filling me up with the gas station of God’s word.  For me it has been continually listen to the Bible on CD everywhere I go.  In my car, and I even go to bed listening to it.  My plan is to exalt God’s word in my life

Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. Proverbs 4:7-8

When I visited a widow recently she was reading several different self-help books and Christian books to help her conquer grief.  I read Max Lucado and books about grief, but I kept coming back to feeding straight on the word of God.   I like to read various books, but I’m not going to neglect filling up with God’s word (bread) of life. I consider God's word will get me through a  time of crisis.  I socialize and try to do fun things with my family, but my ultimate healer is God’s word.  He is the divine counselor and my medication is not drugs or alcohol, but meditation on the word of God:

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prosper.  Not so the wicked!  They are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.  For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.  Psalm 1:1-6

When I saw the movie Hereafter with the actor Matt Damon and how he listened to Charles Dickens to help him get over the disturbing visions of the future, I knew that was a confirmation from God that my continual listening to the word of God in life is the key in my life to putting me over in understanding God’s will and receiving spiritual and emotional healing in my life.

Many Christians want to know what their ministry gifts are and I don’t believe taking some survey is going to help you understand what your gifts are or what you’re calling in life is.  When I first became a Christian I read God’s word from cover to cover and mostly Paul’s epistles and the book of John.  Within two years of constant reading God’s word then God called me into a full time missionary group.  I also was very involved in soul winning on the streets. 

I keep coming back to the “honey” of God’s word and like Winnie the Pooh, I will be going back for more honey of God’s word.  Hebrew parents put honey on the tablets to get children to associate the pleasantness of reading God’s word with the sweet taste of honey.  As Christians filling up with God’s word should be honey to our souls.  It’s the bread of life that fills our hungry souls and meets our deepest desires.

They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. Psalm 19:10

Do not let them out of your sight; keep them within your heart for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Proverbs 4:21-22

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4