Keeping a Score Card or Wiping the Slate (Board) Clean:

One thing I’ve learned about being an administrative assistant at a job for thirty years is that some people would yell at me because of something my boss did.  They would take their frustrations out on me, and then I’ve had bosses that took out their frustrations on me too so I find its best to realize “their problem is not my problem.”  Same way with marriage if things are going bad at work for my spouse, I’ve also been his scapegoat of that too.  I really don’t have a need to be anyone’s scapegoat for anything.  I had blogged that Jesus was crucified outside the camp so he is the scapegoat.  I don’t have that much power in life to control anyone’s destiny.  You can make your own happiness.  You will give an account of yourself before God.  It’s like when the men brought the women taken in adultery to Jesus and they all left her alone with Jesus.  When it comes down to the end it will be just Jesus and us alone.

And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. Hebrews 13:13-14

My father was a middle manager at Allison’s General Motors, and had ulcers from worry.  Worry gave him ulcers.  Too many times we take our problems from work and what others do to us to heart and then we end up with a physical illness from the stress of worry or bitterness.

My husband had a co-worker at one time who kept stats on players for the Pacer’s.  Every time we used the company’s Pacer’s tickets he was there, keeping a record of points of what each player made. When we play a Euchre card game, we keep score up to ten.  Most board games there is a score keeping, like Scrabble.  When we play sports, we keep score like volleyball,  bowling, basketball, football, hockey, etc.   For the Olympics, they keep score or a record.  People used to go into a hardware store and say, “Please put this on my tab.”  If we go into a bar, you give them your credit card, and they run up a tab, same way at a restaurant.

In keeping score, you eventually reset the counter or pay the bill.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor. 13

One of the problems in all relationships is that you are building trust (history) over a period of time with a person, and there is like a tab running with that person of dependability.  A problem arises when you don’t clear out that tab or reset the counter every day as far as if the person owes you something than you are headed for an eruption.  I’ve heard many men complain that when they get in an argument with their wife, she does not handle the current complaint, but she dumps a whole list on him what she is unhappy about the relationship.  She becomes like a volcano and erupts on him.  I’ve had children erupt on me too about everything I did wrong while raising them.

The only thing I am to owe anyone is love.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8

I worked this one job when I lived in Oklahoma, and rather than the boss telling me my faults one at time what he did not like while I was doing it, he decided to dump a whole bunch of stuff on me at once when I was late one day (my car had problems), and then he said, “By the way we don’t like the way you make coffee either, the other secretary made it better.”  I was a temp so I asked them to take me off the temp assignment.  It’s not good to do a performance review, and then blast a person with a bunch of negatives for the whole year, that is not the way to be a good manager.  It’s better to be upfront during the course of the year. 

If we have the attitude that “God’s mercies are new every morning.” Lamentations 3:23.  Than we realize that we want to walk in right standing with God and our loved ones each day!  1John 1:9 talks about confessing our sins to God and then …. John 5:16 talks about confessing our faults (flaws) to one another so we can be prayed for by another person…..not for them to gossip and condemn us about our flaws.

When we pray in “Jesus name” what we are really saying is for Jesus sake.  Paul talked about a slave who had ran away from his master and if he had done any wrong to lay it to his account.  He had ministered spiritual things to the owner of this man, and so he wanted this person accepted back into his charge.   In the same way, our tab was laid on Jesus’ account.  Now when we pray in Jesus name, we are acting in the behalf of him on earth.  He has gone away and we are working in his vineyard. He is the landlord and we are the tenants.

If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. Philemon 1:18

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. John 14:13

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. John 15:16

When Jesus died on the cross, he walked in the restaurant and picked up our tab of our offenses with God. He cleared our accounts.

And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifies. Romans 8:30-33

Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. Romans 14:12

But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. 1 Peter 4:5

Another thing is no man or woman wants to come home, and hear about the things they are doing wrong all the time.  When I meet a man, I’m looking for three things I can compliment him on.  Three things and usually after I find three good things, he is like puddy in my hand. 

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

I sent my husband into the world every day telling him that he was the best.  Like Norman Vincent Peale says in his book on “Positive Thinking” if you build a person’s ego, you have a friend for life.  My husband was my lifetime friend.  I’ve tested it with men (complimenting them on various things I like about them) and they eat it up like candy.  Some men compliment women to get something out of them (a game), but I compliment others because I know the law of reciprocity.  That if I see a waitress and I like her hair or her painted fingernails, I’m going to tell her.  It’s a continual blessing to compliment others and I find that God rewards me back with praise.  It’s because I am blessing people (being a blessing) like God wants me to be.  I am not to curse (criticize) others.

Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! James 5:9

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.  James 3:9-10

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Romans 12:14, Luke 6:28

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9

That is the way God “adorns” the Bride of Christ and eventually I look forward to God telling me, “Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of the Lord.” 

Lift up your eyes and look around; all your sons gather and come to you. As surely as I live," declares the LORD, "you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride. Isaiah 49:18

We are the bride of Christ and he adorns us by his praise.  In the same manner, I daily tell God how much I love him and appreciate him.  I find that you cannot out give God in compliments (praise) and I get more flies with honey than vinegar.  One of God’s soft spots was He does not like it when I complain and gripe at him and tell him what I think he is doing wrong.   The Children of Israel got in trouble for that.  The soft spots my husband had were his two children.  Gripe about what his children were doing and the communication went south.

And do not grumble, as some of them did--and were killed by the destroying angel. 1 Cor. 10:10

Many people don’t really see themselves as valuable and precious in Jesus Christ, but they see themselves as trash and then they treat others as trash too.  We are to love others as we love ourselves.  Treat others as we want to be treated not as they treat us.   It’s doing our part whether they do their part or not.

As Christians, in relationships its best to try to deal with issues one at time and get those issues out there.  I have something called the three day rule.  I usually wait until my emotions are calm and then if I don’t like something that someone did – one of my close friends offended me, than I tell them in three days what it was.  Otherwise, it seems my flesh gets in the way, I don’t “blast” them.   If emotions are heated it’s not a good time to talk. 

That scripture “don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath” Ephesians 4:6, does not mean that there are going to be some nights with your loved one that you can work things out.  My spouse never slept on the couch because he was too stubborn to give up the water bed, but I did a couple of times in 14 years of marriage because I am hard-headed at times.  Many difficult problems don’t get worked out right away.  It’s saying that try to work them out as soon as possible.