I
went on a job interview at a Think Tank several years ago. I was very
excited about the job interview at a prestigious firm. When I interviewed
with three women they told me how the manager ran off other administrative
assistants, much overtime on a salaried position, several other bad things
about the job – really nothing good about the job outside of the company having
a reputation of intelligent people that solve difficult problems for the
government. I asked if there was any type of warning to work overtime
since my husband got free tickets at the last minute to Verizon concerts.
They said, “We will gladly take those tickets and use them for you.”
They
asked if I had any questions. I said I have one question, “Why would I
want the job?”
Somewhere
along the line, this manager thinks it’s okay to treat his assistant
poorly. I’ve worked in the medical field for about ten years and several
nurses and AA’s have said the same thing in working for difficult physicians.
I ran into physicians that were better to work for than others.
Same with the chief executive officers and financial officers. I
look for the administrators that don’t yell and take their problems out on the
employees.
We
get a little idea of management when Jesus talked about a landowner who left
his vineyard in charge of farmers. When he sent to get the profits, those
managers beat and killed servants and even his son. Jesus was talking
about prophets and even his own life, but it’s the same at work or in marriage
is that some people treat their employees or spouse poorly or killed their
spouse. I worked at hospital where a nurse had a restraining order,
because her husband shot her and left her for dead, but she survived. I
can turn on an episode of COPS and see women beating on men.
Listen to another parable: There was a
landowner who planted a vineyard. He put a wall around it, dug a winepress in
it and built a watchtower. Then he rented the vineyard to some farmers and
moved to another place. When the harvest time approached, he sent his
servants to the tenants to collect his fruit. The tenants seized his
servants; they beat one, killed another, and stoned a third. Then he sent other
servants to them, more than the first time, and the tenants treated them the
same way. Last of all, he sent his son to them. 'They will respect my son,' he
said. "But when the tenants saw the son, they said to each other, 'This is
the heir. Come, let's kill him and take his inheritance.' So they took him and
threw him out of the vineyard and killed him. "Therefore, when the owner
of the vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?" He will bring
those wretches to a wretched end," they replied, "and he will rent
the vineyard to other tenants, who will give him his share of the crop at
harvest time." Matthew 21:25-41
My
deceased husband Mike told me about a guy he worked for six months as a
construction estimator that yelled at him all the time and when he took him to
lunch and told him that he wanted my husband to be his partner. My husband told
him that he did not want to stay and work for him. My husband said that
ended that lunch conversation very fast. I don’t know if this man was in
the military formerly where yelling at people was acceptable.
Go
buy yourself a punching bag or use one at a gym.
Maybe some people like the Mr. and Mrs. Smith type relationship or the “War of the Roses,”
but I find that we can use passion in a more positive way. I am from
that generation of “Make love not war.” I concur with Solomon who had
1000 wives and concubines that it’s better to live in the corner of a roof or a
desert than with a contentious person.
Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9
Better to live in a desert than with a
quarrelsome and nagging wife. Proverbs 21:19
A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping
of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or
grasping oil with the hand. Proverbs 27:15-16
I
learned my lesson about strife when I was in my 20’s. I remember I was in
the car and I was in this argument with my husband and the drive shaft of my
car happened to fall out at the time we were arguing. It was actually a
bad universal joint, but I remember thinking the whole engine fell out of
the car because it was relate to the strife we were in. This “did it” for me. I was never the same again. That continuous
strife was one of the things that broke us up, and then it became finding a
person who felt the same way about being contentious. Fortunately, I found a person who hated arguing like people hated the Vietnam
War. It’s just finding another person with a similar belief system.
It is to one's honor to avoid strife,
but every fool is quick to quarrel. Proverbs 15:23
For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there
is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and
walk as men? 1 Cor. 3:3
Better a dry crust with peace and quiet
than a house full of feasting, with strife. Proverbs 17:1
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a
dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17:14
I
have developed an equation in life that helps me in the selection process and
it helped me in meeting my husband. I am more of analytical woman at
times. I have met men who are sensitive, romantic, intense, and emotional and
they are straight men. What helps me is that I know 1+1 = 2.
Sex plus a jerk equals living with a jerk. We are all jerks and a jerk is
anyone like Saul who lives in disobedience towards God. We all like sheep
have gone astray and turned everyone to our own ways. I just look for a
person who less driven “by his own ways.” And “does not do what is
right in his own eyes” all the time.
There is a way that appears to be right,
but in the end it leads to death Proverbs 14:12
In those days there was no king in
Israel. Everyone did what was right in his own eyes. Judges 21:25
If
I am going to show you my cards first, and you are going to show me your cards,
than my cards better be darn good. I like to hold my cards until we are
both ready to lay the cards down on the table. It’s
getting more difficult nowadays to tell nonbelievers from the believers so what
many Christian women and I have determined is the same thing I determined when
I met my husband is that a “baby” Christian does not look so bad when they want
to please God. It seems to be some older Christians have become like Saul
in life in a gross moral disobedience and stubbornness of heart where lying and
deceitful behavior is okay.
For certain individuals whose
condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you.
They are ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into a license for
immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord. Jude 1:4
I
can usually tell within the space of ten minutes where a guy is at by what
comes out of his mouth. My spouse said, “I’m overwhelmed with being a
single parent and raising children on my own, I am happy with my job, I’m ready
to invest into a relationship.” My husband was definitely a
polygamist, but his second wife was his job.
A
pastor told me a long time along that man happy on job = happy at home.
Man happy at home = happy at job. Same with manager. Manager happy
in his personal life = happy at work. Man happy at work = happy in his
personal life. Pastor happy at home = better minister. Pastor happy
with his ministry = better husband. I have tried to go to single Bible
studies, and I find when someone starts dating and they are in a relationship
that gets off kilter while dating and they are leading a Bible study, the
quality of the Bible study goes down, because they are in strife.
I’ve
been making sure Bible studies I go to that the leader is a happy
person who understands what a good marriage is. Some of the best single
Bible studies I’ve been to were led by married couples, with the exception when
I went to Zionsville Presbyterian Church, but the singles pastor was engaged to
be married, and happy. I also find that people involved in service
to others are more happier people.
My
husband was too busy when he was single with his two children to be out serving
the community, but always helped his friends and family. After we got
married he volunteered to lead the Homeowner’s Association for 11 years,
co-lead Boy Scouts even after his son was grown, taught a 5th grade
Sunday school class, and helped with teen socials for snow skiing trips at
church.
It
shows when we are with the right person in life or working in the right job,
we are motivated to be more productive in life. Reminds me of that
scripture where one will put a thousand to flight and two ten thousand.
How could one man chase a thousand, or
two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, unless the
Lord had given them up? Duet 32:30
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