I look at life as a huge book of lessons. When my son was growing up when he was around four or five years old, he would ask many questions. When I answered one question, it was one why question on top of the next why question. He had an inquiring mind and he is still that way when it comes to God. I am the same way with asking God about many why questions in life. I want to know the answers on all tough issues. I’m not waiting until I get to heaven to ask God why questions in my life.
When it came to the early death of my husband, before I even married my husband, I had a red flag that he was going to die early. It was because of his chronic asthma and all the harsh inhalers he used for his lungs. I even asked him before we were married, “You are not going to die on me are you?” What is really strange is I even pictured the way he was going to die. I believe it was God’s warning me, but when you love a person you overlook those type of red flags. I did not know it was going to be as soon as it happened.
It’s like my furnace that went out recently. First, I fixed a heat pump three years ago and then this last year I did some extras to try to get more life out of the furnace, but during the ice storm, I could hear the furnace straining to function. In the same way, I remember looking at my husband in July thinking he was looking very old to me, I saw it in his eyes. The windows of the eyes are into the soul. It was like I could see in his eyes, he did not have long to live. I’ve seen that in some eyes of men I’ve looked into recently in meeting them through single’s ads. Their eyes look very tired, and there may be a strain on their heart. When I first met him, his eyes were full of life. His heart was straining to function by September and he had high blood pressure.
This scripture says when our soul is getting along well, we enjoy good health. A women at my work office encouraged me that statistically married men live longer than single men so I may have added a few years on to my husband’s life.
Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. 3 John 1:2
When the furnace went out there were several things that went out all at the same time and it blew the furnace fuse and the breaker box. Replacing that furnace is very costly and so was losing my husband. The Bible says “costly” is the death of a saint.
Precious (costly) in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.. Psalm 116:15
It was a “big blow out.” If you ever had a tire blow out on the interstate, that is a big blow out, because you are driving faster in your car. I had a tire that blew out on the interstate right when I was passing a semi truck and it scared me silly. I know it scared the semi truck driver when I swerved also who saw my tire blow out. I could have lost my life that day with such a big blow out.
The Christian musician, Rich Mullins, lost his life when his jeep flipped over on the interstate. “They were not wearing seat belts and were thrown from the vehicle. When a passing semi-truck swerved to avoid the Jeep, Mullins, who was too injured to move out of the way, was hit by the truck and died instantly. McVicker, who was with him was badly injured, but survived.” Sometimes in life we are thrown a curve ball when we are not prepared for it.
Rich Mullins may have prevented his life from being taken if he wore a seat belt. Then again, it could be like the movie Time Machine when you go back in time, you keep changing the conditions, and the outcome is the same. I bounce back and forth in life between understanding God’s sovereign Will and man’s free will and how much we are co-laborers with God in our destiny. God knows the right or wrong choices we are going to make in life.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. Duet. 30:19
As a Christian, I change conditions in my life, because I don’t want to go around 40 years the same mountain expecting different results. Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.” My life is a science experiment. I’m always changing the conditions in my life or variables and try different things to see if I can get a different result in life.
In computer programming, it is the variables that store information, and its taking those variables to use in other parts of the program to get the results that you want as far as a calculation if you are trying to do a math equation. That is why I tried a single’s ad that helped me meeting my husband. I changed what I did to see if that variable would make a difference in finding the right person for me and that variable produced the results I wanted.
Although, my life and circumstances change, computer software packages and technology may change every year, there is one determining factor or a constant in life. God does not change and Jesus is the same, not was the same.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:7
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8
If your stomach is growling, you want something to eat, if you have a migraine headache, you want a pain reliever, if your shoes hurt your feet, you may need a new pair of shoes, if you are cold, you may need to wear more clothes or a coat, you may need to find a roof over your head to live, or a job to feed your family. I find life is simple for basic extrinsic needs. I can focus on Jesus to a point, but when my furnace broke down, I was cold in my house and I wanted to stay in front of my fireplace. I could focus on God some, but I was more focused on staying warm. I’ve not met a widow yet that does not miss cuddling next to her husband at night in bed. This is a constant in a widow’s life coming from a good relationship. Losing the heat in my house, and my heater is going out in my car, I’m very focused on staying warm. My husband was the furnace in my life and I’m very focused on that loss. It makes everything else in life very difficult to focus on. I focus on Jesus and then still come back to wanting a heater in life to stay warm. This world is a cold environment. It reminds me of the song by the Doors, "Light My Fire." Only it's come on baby light my furnace! Who has the matches?
We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne. Hebrews 12:2
In attending single events, I find some misconceptions by some singles on being married. One is that you don't seek the Lord as much in a relationship. I've had a chance to share with singles in being married to a Christian, the advantages. Ecclesiates covers some of these advantages.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. Eccl 4:9 (more productivity in accomplishing your goals in life)
If one falls down his friend can help him up. Ecc. 4:10...I've already been attacked with this one in almost cutting my finger off and breaking my ankle and not having help I needed in being alone.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? (comfort in times of trouble as when my father passed away). Eccl. 4:10
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (related to Jesus being the center of a couples life). Eccl. 4:11
David in his old age needed warmth and a woman came and lied with him in the cold castle:
Now King David was old, advanced in age; and they covered him with clothes, but he could not keep warm. So his servants said to him, “Let them seek a young virgin for my lord the king, and let her attend the king and become his nurse; and let her lie in your bosom, that my lord the king may keep warm.” So they searched for a beautiful girl throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The girl was very beautiful; and she became the king’s nurse and served him, but the king did not cohabit with her. 1 Kings 1:1
A Woman in the Bible on this Same Detour Road
Once a tire blows out you can possibly take an exit or you may end up on a detour road that you were not planning. The direction I'm going now is a new direction. As in Gulliver's Travels, I'm in a foreign land, it's going from the land of couples to the land of singles. The dreams of my life have changed, plans and some friends have changed.
The enemy likes to twist my life in a knot and my stomach has been in knots several times since my husband passed away. I’m working on unraveling those knots in my life and it’s a constant process. I know knots in people’s life can turn into ulcers or stomach cancer. My father had ulcers from worrying about the responsibility of his job.
While unraveling the knots in my life, I’ve been going on with my life and it’s been like the movie National Lampoons Vacation starring Chevy Chase, where he is trying to get to his destination of fun. His aunt dies in the car and they tie her on the roof of the station wagon. My life is the same way as far as my husband has been on the roof of the station wagon of my life everywhere I go in trying to go on with my life. When he falls off in that I go somewhere that reminds me of him, I just tie him back on the station wagon.
The movie is rather crude and it had more nudity which I did not expect. That must have blocked out for television, but I rented it on my 18th anniversary last weekend. I laughed very hard at a couple of parts that reminded me of my husband. The first part when he fell asleep at the wheel of the car and he was driving for several minutes, even down an exit ramp. His wife hears a car honk it's horn at them and she tells him to wake up and turn off the television since she thinks they are at home. He wakes up to turn off the TV and realizes he is driving a car. I consider it a blessing with all the road trips I went on with my husband from Cedar Point Amusement Park in the wee hours of the morning, or one time all the way back from Florida spring break when we could not find a hotel room, that our six children and myself are not in heaven with my husband from him falling asleep at the wheel. His sister made that comment at the funeral that she was concerned he would fall asleep at the wheel one day. His boss said he fell asleep at meetings at work sometimes. I would come downstairs sometimes at night and find him asleep in a chair. He may have had sleep apnea.
The other part I really liked in the movie is how he talked about the vacation had become a quest in life. I can’t count how many times we took the jet skis and boat to the lake and they would not start, he would forget to put the drain plugs in the jet skis and flood them with water in the engine, the jet ski would suck up a rock or sock, or a wheel would fall off the trailer. My husband was always trying to squeeze every ounce of fun at the lake in life from sun up until sun down. He had that same spirit of adventure that I had as a child. Now, I have a "check list" before I go boating.
When I broke my ankle, and I could not dance or jet ski, the Lord told me I needed to lay dancing and boating on the altar. I had not thought about doing that. I had previously prayed about selling my house and all our toys when he passed away and I got the answer to keep them, but I never thought about dedicating things that I like to do on the altar. When I first became a Christian, the Lord dealt with me about giving up idols of my past. I had two or three car fender benders in a row in the summer, because I was under conviction about listening to rock-n-roll music in the car and would not obey the Lord. I was in Satan’s territory in holding on to an idol in my life.
and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:27
Finally, there was a new Christian radio station I could listen to and I gave up listening to rock-n-roll music. I know it was because God wanted me to lay the idol on the altar during that season in my life.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1
I used to wonder how Hannah could ask for a child and then get the desire of her heart which was her son Samuel, and then give her son to go live in the temple with Eli. I believe that is in the Bible to show us that even our little children are on loan to us from God. Although, Moses' mother gave up Moses so he would not die, she became his nurse and later in life, Moses returned to his people. I believe we should lay our desires, our families and everything we do and have on the altar before God.
Commit your way to the Lord. Psalm 37:5
An example of a woman who had knots in her life was the widow Naomi. Naomi had a spirit of despair. She considered her life was over and God was down on her after she lost her husband and her two sons.
Now Elimelek, Naomi’s husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years, both Mahlon and Kilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband. Ruth 1:1-5 Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the LORD’s hand has turned against me!” But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. Ruth 1:12-18
I’m not one for believing a woman should ask a man to marry her, but here is an example of a woman who did:
Boaz is a close relative of Naomi's husband's family. He is therefore obliged by the Levirate law to marry Mahlon's widow, Ruth, in order to carry on his family line. Naomi sends Ruth to the threshing floor at night and tells her to "uncover the feet" of the sleeping Boaz. Ruth does so; Boaz awakes and asks,"Who are you?" Ruth identifies herself, then asks Boaz to spread his cloak over her. The phrase "spread your cloak" was a woman's way of asking for marriage. For a man to spread his cloak over a woman showed acquisition of that woman. Boaz states he is willing to "redeem" Ruth via marriage, but informs Ruth that there is another male
Ruth decided to stay and take care of her negative mother-in-law and the outcome was the ancestry of Jesus Christ from Ruth. Naomi changed her plans of where she wanted to live after her sons passed away to go back to her relatives. This is similar to what happened to me when I went through a divorce is I moved from Florida to Indiana to my parents out of necessity in being able to make it financially and later met my husband. I was focused on supporting my family and surviving.
I’ve seen the same thing happen to my Christian mother-in-law in losing two children early in life, you start thinking that God is down on you. Naomi said that the Lord’s hand had turned against her. Naomi wanted to change her name at the courthouse to bitter, and recently someone asked me if I knew that my name meant bitter sweet.
I’ve seen the same thing happen to my Christian mother-in-law in losing two children early in life, you start thinking that God is down on you. Naomi said that the Lord’s hand had turned against her. Naomi wanted to change her name at the courthouse to bitter, and recently someone asked me if I knew that my name meant bitter sweet.
So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women exclaimed, “Can this be Naomi?” “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.” Ruth 1:19-21
I asked the Lord if I could change my name, since Jesus changed some of his disciple’s names, but I did some recent research and this is what I found below. The two women I identify with in the Bible was Mary who washed Jesus feet with her tears and the sister of Moses, Miriam since she was a prophetess and liked to dance and praise the Lord.
The girl's name Mary is of Latin origin, and its meaning is "star of the sea". Saint Jerome associated the Virgin's name with the Latin phrase "stella maris". Other possible meanings are (Hebrew) "wished-for child; rebellion; sea of bitterness. The English name Mary is the transliteration of the Greek name Maria or Mariam, which in turn is the transliteration of the Hebrew name Miriam. There are two Miriams mentioned in the Old Testament. The most famous one is the prophetess and older sister of Moses and Aaron. Another Miriam (most probably a male) is mentioned in the genealogy of Judah (1 Chr 4:17). Mary is a popular name in the New Testament. The most famous Mary is the mother of Jesus (Mat 1:16). Others are Mary Magdalene (Mat 27:56), the mother of James and Joseph (Mat 27:56), the sister of Martha and Lazarus (John 11:1), the mother of John Mark (Acts 12:12), and a Roman Christian (Rom 16:6).
Ask Jesus what is your new name:
“ . . . everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made” (Isaiah 43:7).
“I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off” (Isaiah 56:5).
“The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory, and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will give” (Isaiah 62:2).
“You shall leave your name to my chosen for a curse, and the Lord GOD will put you to death, but his servants he will call by another name” (Isaiah 65:15).
Undo by Rush of Fools
I've been here before
Now, here I am again
Standing at the door
Praying You'll let me back in
To label me
A prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I've been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become
I focused on the score
But I could never win
Trying to ignore
A life of hiding my sin
To label me
A hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I've been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become
Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
You are the only one who can undo
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become
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