Many of us may have been messed up in our views of sex from Sex Education classes in public school in junior high. The instructor in my Sex Ed class after the movie compared it to a male bull mating. Another great comparison she gave us was dogs and horses mating. Animals go in heat which means they only mate during the time they are in heat, not like humans which can have sex for pleasure. There are 101 different sexual positions, standing on one's head would not be the ideal choice, but usually a man and woman mate face to face unlike animals, because humans are relationship-oriented. My image of sex was messed up since my parents did not tell me that God created it for a man and woman to express their love and become one in intimacy, and no one in my church taught sex education. My sister was married when I was six years old and she did not share any information or discuss sex. Sex was a taboo subject in our household.
My mother was rather Victorian on sex, and did not believe in French kissing with the tongue. Whenever someone French kissed on television, she said it was gross and disgusting. Her generation only kissed with lips sealed. In the Song of Solomon it talks about French kissing:
Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon. Song of Solomon 4:11
The Bible is also descriptive on a husband enjoying his wife's body:
Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Song of Solomon 7:2
Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Song of Solomon 4:5 Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle SOS 7:3
A loving doe, a graceful deer--may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love Proverbs 5:19
There have been a number of things my children have told me as they were growing up that were disturbing. Teens having sex behind the bleachers during school, on the bus, friends bringing whip cream to parties, and boys discussing personal information on what it was like having sex with certain girls. Recently, it was on the news here in Indy that a boy and girl in elementary school had oral sex in the classroom and that a second grader was telling children about sex on the playground at a Christian school. My minister taught on sex and encouraged us to tell our children about it. There is not anything I would not discuss now with my adult daughters, but I may have not done a thorough job of educating them growing up.
As a Christian, I am not ashamed to say that sex with another Christian man until he passed away going on 15 years of marriage was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. God wants us to become one with a person spirit, soul and body. If we insist on comparing sex to animals, I’ll make my own comparison. There are many bunny rabbits hopping around society. Bunny rabbits are cute, cuddly, and they like to multiply. The problem with a bunny rabbit is they may hop on to someone else. I personally like a penguin. A person that mates for life. I cannot help that my penguin died early in life. I can sit around and moan over my penguin, or I can go out and find another penguin.
There are some religions that believe that marriage is for eternity. Mormonism believes this. When Jesus disciples asked about a widow who had seven husbands, and they all died (Wow is that the black widow in their era or what? My husband’s aunt had three husbands she was married to that passed away) and who would the person be married to her in heaven, Jesus said they were in error not knowing the scripture. Marriage is only for earth not in heaven. “Thy will be done on earth as it is heaven” is one exception is that we will be like the angels in heaven. Sex, the marriage union, and the procreation of children are only for this earth. Let’s follow Jesus words not the words of man’s philosophy.
Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?" Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. Matthew 22:28
God Created Sex
God created cross pollination and self-pollination of plants and flowers and it pleases God.
Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
Many animals have bazaar mating rituals. God has quite a creative imagination about mating, just watch the different species of birds, squids, etc. It pleased God. (Squids: have sex all day long, for two weeks; Adele Penguin: conquers his mate by rolling a stone at her feet; Ferrets: dance when excited; Ichneumon wasps: tortures other insects; Porcupines: how do they do it? Gastric-brooding frogs: swallows her own eggs, and a Salmon dies after spawning due to exhaustion and malnutrition.)
Genesis 1:11-12….And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:24-25
God made Eve to complete Adam since he was not complete until he met woman. God recognized that it was not good for man to be alone, there was something missing from his life. All the animals had mates. That is why dogs are not man’s best friend.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
God and I beg to differ on this point, because in meeting some single men, I believe it is good that they are alone as far as cherishing and treating a woman like God meant for it to be. Some men need to remain single. If God puts two people together you can weather any storm with Jesus (when Jesus is in your love boat). Unlike the Titanic, your boat will not sink. The problem is that couples get their eyes off of Jesus solving their problems and they can get their eyes on each other. What a person does do or does not do to meet their needs. I resigned myself that I was married to a dud firecracker when I first married my husband. It was because of his lack of affection, and he was unromantic. My sister-in-law said his ex-wife complained about the same thing. I kept meeting his needs, reaching out to him to cuddle and touch him, and he changed to where he became more affectionate. He became a great cuddle buddy at night. It’s when “God builds your house.” God is capable of changing a person when we love and accept them as they are without trying to change them ourselves. I nagged at first, but gave up on the nagging, and kept reaching out to him.
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Proverbs 127:1
A man had this on his dating profile: Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, and money doesn't matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who is broke.
I’ve heard different views on how a man “has to be a friend” before he is a lover. When the servant brought Rebecca back to Isaac, Isaac took her into his tent and she was his wife, and then Isaac was comforted from losing his mother. So much for having a friendship with a man first. I read in a book it’s not a good time to pursue a relationship with a man when he loses his mother, and yet Isaac was comforted by Rebecca. I find it very hard to transition from having a male friend to a lover. I would have to have chemistry from the start of the relationship as far as physical attraction. If I’m seriously dating a guy, I want physical affection or to me it’s not a relationship. No matter how sweet a guy’s heart is, and I like his personality, if a guy does not have that “mmm good” to me like Campbell’s soup there is no way I’m going to desire to sleep with him day in and day out. My husband was the “hottest man” on the planet to me in 14 years of marriage. He had a gut like a pregnant woman and his hair was graying, but I was crazy about him. As far as becoming my best friend, I believe we both had "issues" from being divorced so trust took time.
We can read many different things in life and I’m not against having a man as a friend, but my husband was mostly my lover. I found that female friends worked better to dump my problems on. I listened early on in my marriage to James Dobson talking about women who canned vegetables and fruit together and gleaned advice from other spiritual women, and now women try to get all their emotional support from their husbands. I looked at marriage as my playground rather than a garbage dumping ground as far as having fun with my husband. My husband liked playing that song by John Mayer “Your Body is a Wonderland.” Another song my husband liked was James Taylor, Steamroller: “I’m a Steam Roller Baby and I’m Going to Roll over you.”
I wanted my husband to look forward to seeing me after work, and most evenings, he looked forward to coming home. (Editorial note: When I was not ranting and raving about the teen step-children.) I read books, went on Internet sites, and we went to counseling together to help get through difficult times in raising teen step-children. God gave me some good Christian sisters in the Lord for emotional support.
An emotionally healthy man is one who has male friends. My husband was a player as far as a player of sports. Sometimes he liked to go play with his guy friends out of town white water rafting, snow mobiling, skiing, golfing, bowling, and Texas Holdem poker with the guys at the office. It would have been nice if he would have had more spiritual friends where he could have been in some men’s Bible study, men’s breakfast or prayer group, but I realize like me, my husband was more around unbelievers in an outreach.
Sometimes his hanging out with guys could be a little obsessive, but Mary knows how to give a man a “taste of his own medicine.” I would go chaperone my daughter’s high school journalism conventions in Washington D.C. and Atlanta, Georgia, and let him stay home and watch the little kids. Later, when my daughter moved to Los Angeles, he did not have enough vacation time saved up from work since he was taking off on trips with his friends so I enjoyed going there with my daughter and my sister-in-law. I find when you are married to a guy who likes to have fun and play that as long as you are at home, he is fine with it, but when he thinks you are off having fun without him, it really bothers him so he was very quick to go the next visit to Los Angeles to visit my daughter.
My husband’s dad is worse than this as far as he is obsessed with playing 18-holes of golf and playing tennis. My mother-in-law plays some golf with him. I had a friend who “warned me” about men that get obsessed in one sport like fishing or car shows every weekend. I liked my husband because he liked a variety of activities.
When I was dating my husband, I was more of a “spectator of sports” than a player. I’m not a die-hard boater as far as I don’t get out on the lake at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday, and stay out until dark like my husband wanted to do. My boat and jet skis were a baton passed on by my husband. I’m a mediocre boater. I talk to a lot of men that are players of sports, bikers or hike, and complain that all their ex-wife wanted to do is shop and lay around the house. They don’t have activities or hobbies in common. My husband and I found many activities and hobbies to do together; we really lived and had fun more than most couples do in a lifetime. That is the “only” relationship that will work for me now is a person who enjoys doing a variety of hobbies/sports.
Praying for a Lifelong Partner
There are some unbelievers and believers that “put down” people from seeking a spouse in marriage, as if it is something that should not be desired. It’s a society of living together. My husband and I were a powerful team together, because we functioned with the “prayer of agreement.” When I woke up every morning for 14 years, I was conscious that the devil hated me. It’s because my husband, and I walked in love and unity. Literally, I experienced spiritual warfare from Satan in the spirit realm against my marriage, because we loved each other. I did not resist Satan to the point of shedding blood, but I do recognize that my husband died young. Of all the things I've been robbed of, I've not found another person who knows how to stand in the prayer of agreement with me, like I did with my husband in the evening.
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. Hebrews 12:4
If prayer does not change things and things change prayer, obviously than why would Jesus tell us to pray? If God is in control, and we don’t have any control on this planet than why do we pray this?
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us today our daily bread.…v. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' Matthew 6:10-11
On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." Luke 22:40
Prayer is how we change things. We also change things in our life by making the right choices.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. Duet 30:19
Of course Satan wants people to remain single who are not called to be single, because he knows how powerful it is when they find the right partner in life, and couples make prayers of agreement. Then next, he likes to cause disunity and division in marriage so your prayers are hindered. My husband and I were involved in different Christian ministries in the church, but we both came together at night in the prayer of agreement. One will put a thousand to flight and two ten thousand to flight.
How could one man chase a thousand, or two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, unless the LORD had given them up? Duet. 32:30
Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. Matthew 18:9
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
I’ve thought about what “attracted me” to my husband when I first met him, and he did not have the anger issues or the bitterness issues towards his ex-wife. He never spoke against his ex-wife, although he was divorced. He had accepted that he made mistakes in his marriage. I don’t meet many Christian men that will accept their part of the blame for a marriage failure, many I meet are bitter. By the time the marriage ends in divorce, either party is bitter.
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:9
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15
I did not overcome bitterness on my own, but God helped me overcome it in my life. I spent two weeks in fasting and prayer, and that bitterness broke over my life when my first husband left me and filed divorce. I spent another two years in denial that we would get back together, and make amends and we did, but the reconciliation was a nightmare. The death of my marriage was that first separation. The way I "got healed" of the bitterness was realizing that Jesus was betrayed by Judas. When I found my identification with Christ in that Jesus was betrayed, it took away the bitterness. I put my bitterness on Jesus. After all, my "closest friend at the time, lifted up his heel against me."
"I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill the scripture: 'He who shares my bread has lifted up his heel against me.' John 13:18
Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. Psalm 41:9
God says that a wife is a good thing (so is a husband) and obtains favor from God. God does not withhold good things from his children including a spouse. It’s Satan that does the withholding, but it’s through the prayer of perseverance that we can overcome Satan withholding our mate. God directs my steps to cause that person come across my path. My husband came across my path through a single’s ad and he bought the magazine where I placed the ad. Part of trusting God is letting him lead us in the paths we should go, and what he wants us to do. It helps me to know what I’m looking for in a mate, because there are certain qualities, I know that worked well in my former relationship.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
Abraham did not trust Isaac to find his own wife among his people, so he sent his servant to look for a wife. The servant prayed for God to lead his steps, and one of the qualities that Rebecca had who was going to be a part of Abraham's inheritance was servanthood. To have a successful relationship, it requires servanthood in marriage, as far as each person laying down their life for other. There is no place for selfishness in marriage. Even in sex, its meeting that other person’s needs first, and not continually thinking about one self.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor. 13:5
My mother was rather Victorian on sex, and did not believe in French kissing with the tongue. Whenever someone French kissed on television, she said it was gross and disgusting. Her generation only kissed with lips sealed. In the Song of Solomon it talks about French kissing:
Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon. Song of Solomon 4:11
The Bible is also descriptive on a husband enjoying his wife's body:
Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Song of Solomon 7:2
Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Song of Solomon 4:5 Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle SOS 7:3
A loving doe, a graceful deer--may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love Proverbs 5:19
There have been a number of things my children have told me as they were growing up that were disturbing. Teens having sex behind the bleachers during school, on the bus, friends bringing whip cream to parties, and boys discussing personal information on what it was like having sex with certain girls. Recently, it was on the news here in Indy that a boy and girl in elementary school had oral sex in the classroom and that a second grader was telling children about sex on the playground at a Christian school. My minister taught on sex and encouraged us to tell our children about it. There is not anything I would not discuss now with my adult daughters, but I may have not done a thorough job of educating them growing up.
As a Christian, I am not ashamed to say that sex with another Christian man until he passed away going on 15 years of marriage was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. God wants us to become one with a person spirit, soul and body. If we insist on comparing sex to animals, I’ll make my own comparison. There are many bunny rabbits hopping around society. Bunny rabbits are cute, cuddly, and they like to multiply. The problem with a bunny rabbit is they may hop on to someone else. I personally like a penguin. A person that mates for life. I cannot help that my penguin died early in life. I can sit around and moan over my penguin, or I can go out and find another penguin.
There are some religions that believe that marriage is for eternity. Mormonism believes this. When Jesus disciples asked about a widow who had seven husbands, and they all died (Wow is that the black widow in their era or what? My husband’s aunt had three husbands she was married to that passed away) and who would the person be married to her in heaven, Jesus said they were in error not knowing the scripture. Marriage is only for earth not in heaven. “Thy will be done on earth as it is heaven” is one exception is that we will be like the angels in heaven. Sex, the marriage union, and the procreation of children are only for this earth. Let’s follow Jesus words not the words of man’s philosophy.
Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?" Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. Matthew 22:28
God Created Sex
God created cross pollination and self-pollination of plants and flowers and it pleases God.
Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
Many animals have bazaar mating rituals. God has quite a creative imagination about mating, just watch the different species of birds, squids, etc. It pleased God. (Squids: have sex all day long, for two weeks; Adele Penguin: conquers his mate by rolling a stone at her feet; Ferrets: dance when excited; Ichneumon wasps: tortures other insects; Porcupines: how do they do it? Gastric-brooding frogs: swallows her own eggs, and a Salmon dies after spawning due to exhaustion and malnutrition.)
Genesis 1:11-12….And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:24-25
God made Eve to complete Adam since he was not complete until he met woman. God recognized that it was not good for man to be alone, there was something missing from his life. All the animals had mates. That is why dogs are not man’s best friend.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
God and I beg to differ on this point, because in meeting some single men, I believe it is good that they are alone as far as cherishing and treating a woman like God meant for it to be. Some men need to remain single. If God puts two people together you can weather any storm with Jesus (when Jesus is in your love boat). Unlike the Titanic, your boat will not sink. The problem is that couples get their eyes off of Jesus solving their problems and they can get their eyes on each other. What a person does do or does not do to meet their needs. I resigned myself that I was married to a dud firecracker when I first married my husband. It was because of his lack of affection, and he was unromantic. My sister-in-law said his ex-wife complained about the same thing. I kept meeting his needs, reaching out to him to cuddle and touch him, and he changed to where he became more affectionate. He became a great cuddle buddy at night. It’s when “God builds your house.” God is capable of changing a person when we love and accept them as they are without trying to change them ourselves. I nagged at first, but gave up on the nagging, and kept reaching out to him.
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Proverbs 127:1
A man had this on his dating profile: Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, and money doesn't matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who is broke.
I’ve heard different views on how a man “has to be a friend” before he is a lover. When the servant brought Rebecca back to Isaac, Isaac took her into his tent and she was his wife, and then Isaac was comforted from losing his mother. So much for having a friendship with a man first. I read in a book it’s not a good time to pursue a relationship with a man when he loses his mother, and yet Isaac was comforted by Rebecca. I find it very hard to transition from having a male friend to a lover. I would have to have chemistry from the start of the relationship as far as physical attraction. If I’m seriously dating a guy, I want physical affection or to me it’s not a relationship. No matter how sweet a guy’s heart is, and I like his personality, if a guy does not have that “mmm good” to me like Campbell’s soup there is no way I’m going to desire to sleep with him day in and day out. My husband was the “hottest man” on the planet to me in 14 years of marriage. He had a gut like a pregnant woman and his hair was graying, but I was crazy about him. As far as becoming my best friend, I believe we both had "issues" from being divorced so trust took time.
We can read many different things in life and I’m not against having a man as a friend, but my husband was mostly my lover. I found that female friends worked better to dump my problems on. I listened early on in my marriage to James Dobson talking about women who canned vegetables and fruit together and gleaned advice from other spiritual women, and now women try to get all their emotional support from their husbands. I looked at marriage as my playground rather than a garbage dumping ground as far as having fun with my husband. My husband liked playing that song by John Mayer “Your Body is a Wonderland.” Another song my husband liked was James Taylor, Steamroller: “I’m a Steam Roller Baby and I’m Going to Roll over you.”
I wanted my husband to look forward to seeing me after work, and most evenings, he looked forward to coming home. (Editorial note: When I was not ranting and raving about the teen step-children.) I read books, went on Internet sites, and we went to counseling together to help get through difficult times in raising teen step-children. God gave me some good Christian sisters in the Lord for emotional support.
An emotionally healthy man is one who has male friends. My husband was a player as far as a player of sports. Sometimes he liked to go play with his guy friends out of town white water rafting, snow mobiling, skiing, golfing, bowling, and Texas Holdem poker with the guys at the office. It would have been nice if he would have had more spiritual friends where he could have been in some men’s Bible study, men’s breakfast or prayer group, but I realize like me, my husband was more around unbelievers in an outreach.
Sometimes his hanging out with guys could be a little obsessive, but Mary knows how to give a man a “taste of his own medicine.” I would go chaperone my daughter’s high school journalism conventions in Washington D.C. and Atlanta, Georgia, and let him stay home and watch the little kids. Later, when my daughter moved to Los Angeles, he did not have enough vacation time saved up from work since he was taking off on trips with his friends so I enjoyed going there with my daughter and my sister-in-law. I find when you are married to a guy who likes to have fun and play that as long as you are at home, he is fine with it, but when he thinks you are off having fun without him, it really bothers him so he was very quick to go the next visit to Los Angeles to visit my daughter.
My husband’s dad is worse than this as far as he is obsessed with playing 18-holes of golf and playing tennis. My mother-in-law plays some golf with him. I had a friend who “warned me” about men that get obsessed in one sport like fishing or car shows every weekend. I liked my husband because he liked a variety of activities.
When I was dating my husband, I was more of a “spectator of sports” than a player. I’m not a die-hard boater as far as I don’t get out on the lake at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday, and stay out until dark like my husband wanted to do. My boat and jet skis were a baton passed on by my husband. I’m a mediocre boater. I talk to a lot of men that are players of sports, bikers or hike, and complain that all their ex-wife wanted to do is shop and lay around the house. They don’t have activities or hobbies in common. My husband and I found many activities and hobbies to do together; we really lived and had fun more than most couples do in a lifetime. That is the “only” relationship that will work for me now is a person who enjoys doing a variety of hobbies/sports.
Praying for a Lifelong Partner
There are some unbelievers and believers that “put down” people from seeking a spouse in marriage, as if it is something that should not be desired. It’s a society of living together. My husband and I were a powerful team together, because we functioned with the “prayer of agreement.” When I woke up every morning for 14 years, I was conscious that the devil hated me. It’s because my husband, and I walked in love and unity. Literally, I experienced spiritual warfare from Satan in the spirit realm against my marriage, because we loved each other. I did not resist Satan to the point of shedding blood, but I do recognize that my husband died young. Of all the things I've been robbed of, I've not found another person who knows how to stand in the prayer of agreement with me, like I did with my husband in the evening.
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. Hebrews 12:4
If prayer does not change things and things change prayer, obviously than why would Jesus tell us to pray? If God is in control, and we don’t have any control on this planet than why do we pray this?
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us today our daily bread.…v. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' Matthew 6:10-11
On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." Luke 22:40
Prayer is how we change things. We also change things in our life by making the right choices.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. Duet 30:19
Of course Satan wants people to remain single who are not called to be single, because he knows how powerful it is when they find the right partner in life, and couples make prayers of agreement. Then next, he likes to cause disunity and division in marriage so your prayers are hindered. My husband and I were involved in different Christian ministries in the church, but we both came together at night in the prayer of agreement. One will put a thousand to flight and two ten thousand to flight.
How could one man chase a thousand, or two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, unless the LORD had given them up? Duet. 32:30
Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. Matthew 18:9
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
I’ve thought about what “attracted me” to my husband when I first met him, and he did not have the anger issues or the bitterness issues towards his ex-wife. He never spoke against his ex-wife, although he was divorced. He had accepted that he made mistakes in his marriage. I don’t meet many Christian men that will accept their part of the blame for a marriage failure, many I meet are bitter. By the time the marriage ends in divorce, either party is bitter.
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colossians 3:9
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15
I did not overcome bitterness on my own, but God helped me overcome it in my life. I spent two weeks in fasting and prayer, and that bitterness broke over my life when my first husband left me and filed divorce. I spent another two years in denial that we would get back together, and make amends and we did, but the reconciliation was a nightmare. The death of my marriage was that first separation. The way I "got healed" of the bitterness was realizing that Jesus was betrayed by Judas. When I found my identification with Christ in that Jesus was betrayed, it took away the bitterness. I put my bitterness on Jesus. After all, my "closest friend at the time, lifted up his heel against me."
"I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill the scripture: 'He who shares my bread has lifted up his heel against me.' John 13:18
Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. Psalm 41:9
God says that a wife is a good thing (so is a husband) and obtains favor from God. God does not withhold good things from his children including a spouse. It’s Satan that does the withholding, but it’s through the prayer of perseverance that we can overcome Satan withholding our mate. God directs my steps to cause that person come across my path. My husband came across my path through a single’s ad and he bought the magazine where I placed the ad. Part of trusting God is letting him lead us in the paths we should go, and what he wants us to do. It helps me to know what I’m looking for in a mate, because there are certain qualities, I know that worked well in my former relationship.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
Abraham did not trust Isaac to find his own wife among his people, so he sent his servant to look for a wife. The servant prayed for God to lead his steps, and one of the qualities that Rebecca had who was going to be a part of Abraham's inheritance was servanthood. To have a successful relationship, it requires servanthood in marriage, as far as each person laying down their life for other. There is no place for selfishness in marriage. Even in sex, its meeting that other person’s needs first, and not continually thinking about one self.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor. 13:5
The steps of a [good] man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Psalm 37:23
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs16:9
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