To Live and Let Live
A key to finding your life-long penguin is live and let live. A healthy marriage is where two people allow each other to grow to their full potential. My husband did not try to control me, and I did not control him. Decisions were made for the welfare of the household. There were difficult times in dealing with each other’s children, but we lived by the law of love.
To live and let live: “When we live and let live, we don't need to criticize, judge, or condemn others. We have no need to control them. We let others live their own lives and we live ours....This simple slogan helps center us on our own dual recovery and on living our own life in the best way we know how. Live and let live is one of the keys to peace in our lives. When we practice tolerance in our lives we are liberated to work on our own issues. When we use this slogan we end many of the conflicts in our lives and gain the ability to stop new ones before they build into big ones."
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Cor. 13:7
There were times I wanted to throw in the towel when it came to the conflicts with teen step-children that did not accept me, and call it quits on the marriage. My husband had physical custody of his adopted son who was five years old, and his daughter who was 13 years old came to live with us four months after we were married, because her mother could not handle her. His daughter had bad attitudes from the divorce of his marriage. At times, my husband stepped up to the baseball (marriage) plate and said, “I believe God put us together.” In a former marriage, my ex-husband said that he did not believe God put us together. My husband picked up the slack when I lacked faith. What did the man say to Jesus? Help my unbelief. My husband helped my unbelief in weathering storms in difficult times.
'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." The father instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:23-24
Three Strikes And You Are Out
Seventeen years ago, I went and interviewed for a job at the Hudson Institute which is a think tank. I was looking forward to the possibility of working there, because I heard it was a prestigious place to work. Three women interviewed me, and told me all the things wrong with the job. The boss was hard to work for, he went through several assistants, the benefits were not very good, a lot of overtime when it was a salaried position. I did not hear one positive thing about working for their company. I told the three women that my husband got Pacer or Verizon tickets at the last minute from his company, and wondered if the overtime was advance notice or at the last minute. Their comment was, “We will gladly take those tickets off your hands.” When they asked me if I had any questions, I said, “Yes, I have one question, “Why would I want this job?”
A woman would have to be awfully desperate to take that job.
Lately, I can’t even get to first base with a guy which is kissing. I believe God invented baseball. If I meet a man and he tells me that he had anger problems with his ex-wife or girlfriend, he is wanted in another state for child support, problems with pornography, lost his license to a DWI, got thrown in jail recently, filed bankruptcy....why would I want that job? A woman would have to be awfully desperate to take that job (relationship).
Most women are looking for more debits than credits. Sometimes it’s the weirdest experience. I’m dancing at a single dance with a Christian guy, and I really like him and within a space of an hour, he tells me has a problem cussing, drinks beer on a regular basis, and has anger problems with his recent ex-girlfriend. It’s like I’m automatically turned off. I did not ask for the information! I’ve not even developed three good images about the person, and he has already sunk the love boat with his mouth. I introduced one of my guy friends at church to one of my single woman friends, and he is two years older than I am. Within the course of eight minutes he talked about being old three times. That turned her off. I noticed the next time I saw him at church he talked about being old again.
I was telling a single friend about this at lunch, and she said that I should go along on a date with her and wear my umpire mask and when each red flag comes out, I’ll yell….”strike one…..strike two….strike three….you are out.” She said that she read that usually when you sit down for dinner with a person, they will give you quite a lot of information about their self. Dating is like a job interview. If a man can't impress a woman with two or three good qualities, he won't usually get a second date. Like a job, you won't get invited back for that second or third interview, or you won't get the job.
God always moves in confirmations in my life of three signs. For Gideon, God gave him four signs. I don’t determine the signs of what I'm looking for in a man by dating. I let God determine the three signs/confirmations, because Satan knows this rule, and he will give counterfeit signs. These signs are two or three confirmations/witnesses of my spirit. God did confirm my husband Mike was for me in three signs.
This will be my third visit to you. "Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses." 2 Cor. 3:1
Send me a sign of your favor. Then those who hate me will be put to shame, for you, O LORD, help and comfort me. Psalm 86:17
Gideon replied, "If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Judges 6:17
I was speaking to a Christian woman recently who was planning her wedding, and a voice spoke to her one morning and said, "You will not marry that man." Soon after that voice, she found out he was having a relationship with another woman on the side, during the engagement.
Are You a Volcano?
I worked this job one time in Tulsa, Oklahoma as a temp at Shell Oil Company, and the boss waited until I did ten things he did not like over a few months, and then he dumped on me all the things I did wrong, and he added to it, “We also don’t like the way you make coffee. Our last assistant made it better.” That just made me mad, and I called the temp agency to take me off that assignment. Since then, I believe it’s best not to let things build up in life, but take care of issues one at a time. I’ve been around newlywed men that complain whenever they get in a fight with their wife, she dumps on them other problems not even related to the current situation. It is like their wife is a Volcano who just erupted.
“Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.” Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited.”
Go Where You Are Needed And Wanted In Life
Christians can preach to me all they want about forgiveness, until they are blue in the face, but I guarantee if you ever have been dumped by a person in a relationship, lost your house and money, or fired from a job wrongfully, you want vindication. I was in a marriage that I was dumped, because of constant complaints that I was 15 lbs. overweight, and did not have a model body. I got my vindication when my ex-husband was married to his third wife who looked like a model, and it only lasted for one month and she divorced him. If you can find a Raquel Welch, and she will stay/put up with you…go for it.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the Lord.
"Yeah, Satan, and while you are at it, you can have my chlidren too." I like the last episode on the TV series, Little House on the Prairie where they blew up the town with dynamite. A man thought he could waltz in and take their homes, the hotel, and the church without a fight. That was the land they built on with their blood, sweat and tears. When Satan steals our marriage, our children, our finances, do we say, "Yes devil go ahead and you can take it all?" The devil likes to give the "double whammy." Pardon the expression, but back as a teenager, they had an expression of what they call "gang bang" a girl. It's several guys that would rape a woman. That is what the devil likes to do. I met a person who lost her baby, and then her husband left her. Lost his marriage to divorce, and then filed bankruptcy and lost his house. My husband lost a baby to SIDS, then he lost his marriage. The Bible talks about the captivity of Job was turned, and he received a double portion. God gives a double portion, and Satan likes to heap a double amount of trials on a person.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-3
After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job 42:10
Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. Zechariah 9:12
Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. Isaiah 61:7
I have a friend who complained to me that his brother’s wife dumped her husband when he had brain cancer. My sister took care of her husband who died of brain cancer. I meet men my age now who were married to woman twenty years younger going through their second divorce. If God leads you to marry someone twenty years younger (you have prayed and he has given you several confirmations then go for it). The only thing I would be concerned about is I would not want to be a part of a guy’s mid-life crisis or a woman’s change of life crisis. I already was blamed once for a man’s life crisis.
At some of my jobs, I had a boss when he was not having a good day, he took his bad mood out on everyone in the office. My husband, when he was insecure about keeping his job, and had problems with the behavior of his son, had that tendency to start tearing me down some. I believe a lot of people take their problems out on others. My girlfriend and I keep telling each other…their problem is not our problem. I had a woman complaining to me at work recently how her daughter was yelling at her on the phone, because she was drinking and driving at IU, and may lose her car. Her daughter was dumping the consequences of her problems on her mother.
When my husband had his arrogant moments, I prayed for him, because "his problems were not my problems." I can barely handle my own problems. I humble myself and dump my problems on Jesus. In "bearing one another burdens in Christ" it is taking other's problems and giving them to Jesus. Part of humbling ourselves is casting our problems on the Lord and acknowledging that we need his strength, and cannot handle problems on our own.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
I was dumped in a serious dating relationship where a guy determined I did not make enough money. God blessed me with a husband who made more money than he did. He was married shortly afterwards to a woman who made about the same amount of money as he did, but he never seemed happy. When I met my husband, he just wanted a Christian woman who liked children and liked sex, very simple. Those were two problem areas he had a in former marriage. Not a big long list I had to fill. Actually, when you love someone you will tear up the "Santa Claus list."
I did not have to look like Cameron Diaz, he was not gold-digging for a large income, or really cared about activities I liked to do. I will call this being “needed and wanted” by a person. My husband did not know what was the most important to him until after his first divorce, and then his priorities changed. Some Christian men I meet are still looking for that Cameron Diaz body after their divorce. Let me give you a church example:
I went to new church for Easter with my daughter. The pastor and his wife just started the church in February. The pastor and his wife lead the worship and then the pastor’s wife took the children out to children’s church. When they found out I play the guitar they were begging for me to come back and play for their church. Anyway, most of the churches I go to I am just another number. I feel like I’m in China or India (although I never been there I get an idea from working with those students everyday at IUPUI who are so pushy to get their voice heard). Anyway, the Lord spoke to me all weekend about, “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Luke 5:32 God has not called me to stuff Christians who are already full.
I like going to a church where I am “needed and wanted.” Some of these mega churches have so many music ministers it is an overkill that I am not wanted or needed at them. I see my primary church as my feeding ground, and then I see this little church as a place God can use me to minister. It was a sweet spirit and I felt my heart knitted with them in love on Sunday and so did my daughters.
I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God's mysterious plan, which is Christ himself. Colossian 2:2
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 133:13
God had his knitting/crochet needles out Sunday. That is what I look for in meeting another mate for the rest of this earthy life. Is another man that God will knit my heart to him. God makes us one in life by being woven together in his love.
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Eccl. 4:12
and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Mark 10:8
Draw Me Close to You
Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near
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