I am currently in this series in a single’s group called, “Love, Sex and Dating” It’s interesting to listen to this since I had my own love, sex and dating in a marriage for almost 15 years, as far as my husband and I had a date night every Friday night in our marriage. What I thought was an interesting blanket statement the speaker made was that “Sex is not a need, and a person can go without sex all his life and not die.” This is coming from a man who is happily married for 20 years. Let’s take away his wife, and let’s see if he makes this statement and how long he stays single. He is coming from a different place in being married. Lose his wife and let’s see what his sermon is three years after the loss of a wife.
I worked for the director of pediatrics at Methodist Hospital who traveled to Russia to visit handicap babies who were shut away and not handled and touched. Those babies eventually failed to thrive and died. Babies need affectionate, to be cuddled and loved to grow.
That is what I had to overcome with my husband is that he was not affectionate at first, but I kept reaching out to him as far as holding his hand. We would go to music concerts and I would watch couples in front of us and my husband would veg out with the music (he loved music) and I felt very miserably married the first few years of our marriage. I kept meeting his needs, and eventually I found he came around to holding me and cuddling me. It’s because I got a “taste” of the good life and that was dating a man who lost his wife before him who was affectionate.
His sister told me that she never remembers their mother holding them as babies, only their grandmother and when my husband passed away, I never saw my husband’s father hold his wife. I know the behavior was learned through his father. My spouse never had animals in growing up, because of his chronic asthma like I had a cat and dog, and I find that people with animals become more affection and nourishing, because they have a living thing to take care of. It’s just something I’ve noticed that usually people with pets become more affectionate and responsible people. When we were dating, my outdoor Tom cat Rocky would come and always lay on his lap. Cats for some reason like to lay on people’s laps that don’t like cats…LOL…Anyway, my husband said that he was allergic to cats.
I had that thought when I was dating my husband Mike, “You are going to go in this relationship before this cat does.” Rocky (named after the boxer because of his many fights outside) followed us on the incredible journey to two houses before he met his maker walking too many times across busy 10th Street. It was probably just as well because he was appreciated in our former neighborhood in cutting down the chipmunk population in people’s gardens, but not in my current neighborhood where someone has bird feeders. Whenever I see some guy petting his cat or dog, I always get that thought, “I want some of that affection.”
They bring in pets in rehabilitation hospitals and jails to help with this lack of affection that is so needed by the elderly and shut-ins. I could not understand the general “cold” attitude of many people I work with in not even saying “I’m sorry you lost your husband” until a professor over Nursing pointed out that I work with a lot of computer scientists and in that profession you don’t find many “feeling” type people. I’ve sat down with other men who are engineers like my husband and his dad, and I decided I did not want to go back to square one with a person like when I first met him as far as unaffectionate.
There is quite a difference of being cold or hard hearted. Many people coming out of a divorce have hardened their heart against love and that is what Jesus said. “Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of your heart.” It’s not letting God’s love soften our hearts. My spouse was a broken man spiritually as far as going through the death of child and a divorce. His heart was not hard, he was unaffectionate. His heart was tender towards God.
They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. Ephesians 4:19
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. Matthew 19:18
E-harmony said that men respond to affection, and I know my husband was coming out of a bad marriage where there was a lack of touch with his ex-wife because of her anger problems towards him. I know in dating that I would have to have much affection. I’m not in a hurry to get in a sexual relationship, because I had a quality/affectionate relationship with a man besides a sexual relationship, but this developed over time. I’m not sure where many single men are in their lives as far as affection goes.
My mother raised me with this rather military attitude of “sucking it up” as far as being a cry baby and then I don’t remember crying from the time I was around eight years old until I became a Christian at 17 years old. I remember my heart became cold as ice. It is amazing I became a Christian at all. When I did ask the Lord into my life, I remember I cried reading my Bible for a year. The Lord was softening that hard heart I put a wall around for 12 years.
Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold. Matthew 24:12
For us coming out of happy marriage we have been Dorothy who landed in Oz as far as a very hostile and “cold” environment that has developed in this society. Through having a pet and through other channels is the way I’ve have overcome some of my sensual desires in not having a man who wakes up next to me in bed every day with my love language being touch. It was a problem in my first marriage where my husband refused to love me and give me affection. I felt devalued as a woman. It’s much like that now as far as the lack of love/affection in the body of Christ.
As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. 1 Timothy 5:11
My sister told me the quality of my mother’s life went down when she lost her husband and the quality of my life went down when I lost my husband as far as my need to give and receive love to another human being in touch.
There is a difference between sex and affection and I’m not sure that very many men understand the difference, but I know for many women touch is their love language. I was reading a dating man’s column and this man who gives advice to single men said a “knight in shiny armor” is a man who will hold a woman when she is discouraged and down without the connotation of sex. In almost fifteen years of marriage I had the hardest time getting my husband to do that, where he would just hold me once in a while. One big difference though unlike my first marriage where my spouse refused to love me the way God intended it to be in marriage, is at least he wanted to meet my needs and change and eventually he did. Now, coming out of a quality relationship, it is hard to settle for a sexual relationship with no depth or feeling.
I find in marriage a “willing” attitude to change and please your partner goes along way.
The Bible speaks many times of “greet” one another with a holy kiss. Now we give each other hugs and I like my affectionate hugs from the body of Christ. Sometimes it may be a handshake to greet a person instead of kiss (depends on the culture). (Romans 16:16, 1 Cor. 16:20, 2 Cor. 13:12, 1 Peter 5:14)
That is one of the things they brought up in the movie; “Ghost” is where the song says, “I hunger for your touch.”
Righteous Brothers: Unchained Melody
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoEwR9_Sy_M&feature=related
I worked for the director of pediatrics at Methodist Hospital who traveled to Russia to visit handicap babies who were shut away and not handled and touched. Those babies eventually failed to thrive and died. Babies need affectionate, to be cuddled and loved to grow.
That is what I had to overcome with my husband is that he was not affectionate at first, but I kept reaching out to him as far as holding his hand. We would go to music concerts and I would watch couples in front of us and my husband would veg out with the music (he loved music) and I felt very miserably married the first few years of our marriage. I kept meeting his needs, and eventually I found he came around to holding me and cuddling me. It’s because I got a “taste” of the good life and that was dating a man who lost his wife before him who was affectionate.
His sister told me that she never remembers their mother holding them as babies, only their grandmother and when my husband passed away, I never saw my husband’s father hold his wife. I know the behavior was learned through his father. My spouse never had animals in growing up, because of his chronic asthma like I had a cat and dog, and I find that people with animals become more affection and nourishing, because they have a living thing to take care of. It’s just something I’ve noticed that usually people with pets become more affectionate and responsible people. When we were dating, my outdoor Tom cat Rocky would come and always lay on his lap. Cats for some reason like to lay on people’s laps that don’t like cats…LOL…Anyway, my husband said that he was allergic to cats.
I had that thought when I was dating my husband Mike, “You are going to go in this relationship before this cat does.” Rocky (named after the boxer because of his many fights outside) followed us on the incredible journey to two houses before he met his maker walking too many times across busy 10th Street. It was probably just as well because he was appreciated in our former neighborhood in cutting down the chipmunk population in people’s gardens, but not in my current neighborhood where someone has bird feeders. Whenever I see some guy petting his cat or dog, I always get that thought, “I want some of that affection.”
They bring in pets in rehabilitation hospitals and jails to help with this lack of affection that is so needed by the elderly and shut-ins. I could not understand the general “cold” attitude of many people I work with in not even saying “I’m sorry you lost your husband” until a professor over Nursing pointed out that I work with a lot of computer scientists and in that profession you don’t find many “feeling” type people. I’ve sat down with other men who are engineers like my husband and his dad, and I decided I did not want to go back to square one with a person like when I first met him as far as unaffectionate.
There is quite a difference of being cold or hard hearted. Many people coming out of a divorce have hardened their heart against love and that is what Jesus said. “Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of your heart.” It’s not letting God’s love soften our hearts. My spouse was a broken man spiritually as far as going through the death of child and a divorce. His heart was not hard, he was unaffectionate. His heart was tender towards God.
They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. Ephesians 4:19
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. Matthew 19:18
E-harmony said that men respond to affection, and I know my husband was coming out of a bad marriage where there was a lack of touch with his ex-wife because of her anger problems towards him. I know in dating that I would have to have much affection. I’m not in a hurry to get in a sexual relationship, because I had a quality/affectionate relationship with a man besides a sexual relationship, but this developed over time. I’m not sure where many single men are in their lives as far as affection goes.
My mother raised me with this rather military attitude of “sucking it up” as far as being a cry baby and then I don’t remember crying from the time I was around eight years old until I became a Christian at 17 years old. I remember my heart became cold as ice. It is amazing I became a Christian at all. When I did ask the Lord into my life, I remember I cried reading my Bible for a year. The Lord was softening that hard heart I put a wall around for 12 years.
Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold. Matthew 24:12
For us coming out of happy marriage we have been Dorothy who landed in Oz as far as a very hostile and “cold” environment that has developed in this society. Through having a pet and through other channels is the way I’ve have overcome some of my sensual desires in not having a man who wakes up next to me in bed every day with my love language being touch. It was a problem in my first marriage where my husband refused to love me and give me affection. I felt devalued as a woman. It’s much like that now as far as the lack of love/affection in the body of Christ.
As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. 1 Timothy 5:11
My sister told me the quality of my mother’s life went down when she lost her husband and the quality of my life went down when I lost my husband as far as my need to give and receive love to another human being in touch.
There is a difference between sex and affection and I’m not sure that very many men understand the difference, but I know for many women touch is their love language. I was reading a dating man’s column and this man who gives advice to single men said a “knight in shiny armor” is a man who will hold a woman when she is discouraged and down without the connotation of sex. In almost fifteen years of marriage I had the hardest time getting my husband to do that, where he would just hold me once in a while. One big difference though unlike my first marriage where my spouse refused to love me the way God intended it to be in marriage, is at least he wanted to meet my needs and change and eventually he did. Now, coming out of a quality relationship, it is hard to settle for a sexual relationship with no depth or feeling.
I find in marriage a “willing” attitude to change and please your partner goes along way.
The Bible speaks many times of “greet” one another with a holy kiss. Now we give each other hugs and I like my affectionate hugs from the body of Christ. Sometimes it may be a handshake to greet a person instead of kiss (depends on the culture). (Romans 16:16, 1 Cor. 16:20, 2 Cor. 13:12, 1 Peter 5:14)
That is one of the things they brought up in the movie; “Ghost” is where the song says, “I hunger for your touch.”
Righteous Brothers: Unchained Melody
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoEwR9_Sy_M&feature=related
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