Why Christian Marriages Fail: Stand By Your Mate
When Isaac's mother passed away, Abraham had a servant go and find a wife for Isaac (the servant being a type of the Holy Spirit) and he was comforted during his mother’s death. When I met my husband, my father was passing away from cancer. My largest encouragement has come from my four daughters after the last four years of my husband’s death. I’ve always thought that finding a man with spousal loss would be ideal because they would better understand my heart. I just never understood my husband’s heart because he lost a child and I never had that great of loss. Losing my parents was not the same as a sudden death of a child.
Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Genesis 4:67
Many times we try to reason a good relationship out with our minds. I was divorced like my husband and we had similar things in common. The one thing I liked about my husband is that he was supportive during a crisis. He had spent $10K on marriage counseling where I only could get my ex-husbands to go to one counseling session with me and they would not go back to a second with me when they found out they had to work on issues and it was not all me. I look at life like being a supportive actress. So when I stand before God in the final day, I want the supportive actress academy awards. I’m not going for a leading role award.
In the past, I had a spouse who did not support me during a crisis and one that deserted me at my weakest time after our twin daughters were born with no financial support. Same way with my second marriage, I went through a custody battle with an ex and my husband was not supportive. Part of losing custody of my twin daughters is my ex would not come to court with me. When we got a divorce, I got my twin daughters back. I prayed about why I lost custody in the first place, and the Lord showed me that at the time, he did not want my children around the constant criticism I was getting at the time by my spouse every day, and he also constantly criticized my children. At that tender age, they needed to be around their dad to build up their self-esteem.
One of my friends is upset that when his brother passed away of brain cancer, that his wife left him before he passed away. She left her husband at his weakest moment. All of Jesus disciples left him at his weakest moment. You find out who your true friends are and a good mate by how they handle a crisis and if they are there for you during the down times, not just during the up times. I saw what my sister went through in losing a spouse first to brain cancer and then a second spouse to Alzheimer’s and diabetes. My sister became widowed twice, but she always stood by her man like that song by Tammy Wynette, but many men or women do not do this.
Loving our spouse is supporting their interests. It says if a person does not support his relatives and family he had denied the faith. I supported my former husband through Bible college and his ministry for seven years, but he would not support his family.
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8
I find a lot of people that think they have a lot of love, but I find that they still do a lot of things for others for selfish reasons. Marriage is a real test of our selfishness and selfishness is sin. It’s when we don’t feel like helping someone do we help them? When there is nothing to gain by helping a person.
I believe it’s staying in continual outreach and giving to different ministries, because I find I tend to “dry” up after a while if I start to go to a bunch of Bible studies and I’m not out ministering to other people encouragement or giving. The Bible talks about being self-deceived and I don’t want to become self-deceived. I meet too many ministers where it becomes all about their little kingdom and ministry. Even at church, it’s a continual outreach to those outside their church.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. James 1:22-24
Give freely and become more wealthy; be stingy and lose everything. Proverbs 11:24
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 2 Cor. 9:6
What is laying down your life?
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. Ephesian 5:25
It’s laying down your selfish ways. It’s laying down the need to be right. It’s laying down your will. A love attribute is that “love seeks not her own way.” 1 Cor. 13:5
God said he chose David in the beginning because he was a man “after God’s heart.” In other words, David would do what God wanted him to do rather than seeking his own will. We know that David missed the boat, but he got back on the right boat. Again, “love seeks not it’s own way.”
After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.' Acts 13:22
Jesus was the expressed image of God and he emptied himself of his divine privileges.
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross! Philip 2:6-8
Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." Mark 9:35 and Mark 10:43
I look in the Bible and I see how Job’s wife was angry, Naomi was extremely depressed, the widow who Elijah came to was planning on having her last oil and bread with her son and going to die. Then I look at Jesus when he saw a widow who lost her son, he had compassion and he raised the dead son. Then I look at Jesus and I see how he saw that a widow gave two mites which was all her living, then I look at Jesus and I see that he wanted John to take care of his widow mother. It’s keeping my eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of my faith and then I won’t worry about how cold and callous this world has become.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2
I look at God and it says to defend the cause of the widow, orphan and the fatherless. Mary said that Jesus brought down the prideful.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. Luke 1:52
He humbles those who dwell on high, he lays the lofty city low; he levels it to the ground and casts it down to the dust. Isaiah 26:5
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Psalm 82:3, Psalm 10:18 , Duet. 24:17, Isaiah 1:17, Jeremiah 22:16
God Gave Me You
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