Helpful Hints in Life and Dating (1-30)

Dear Abby, Martha Stewart, or Dr. Ruth. My column comes from my PhD experience of Post hole Digging (digging myself out of holes in life) 

A person that walks and stands up tall with shoulders back gives the appearance that he/she is confident in one self. I've tested this at dancing venues and got a lot more flirts than when slouching. It's not too cocky of a walk, but it's a smile and a confident walk.

Before tying the knot in a relationship, cook a meal together, go primitive camping, paint a deck, or a road trip...see a person under stress and how they handle emergency situations. Peter talked about a woman with a quiet spirit...one who does not freak out under pressure. My road trip in Australia was a Chevy Chase vacation. Bats hitting the window. Cows in the middle of the highway.

It’s more blessed to give than receive: Use me to be a blessing to someone today. The widow gave her last cake and oil to Elijah, the last two coins in the offering plate, the expensive alabaster box…what do I have left to give you of myself. It's not about what I can get out of life...get out of new guy I meet...it's what I can give.

What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander: The longer I’m single widowed (same when I was divorced) age, race, being tall/short, body type is less important than a person’s value system. His commitment to God, family, church, and service to others. Sharing passions is a must. My top passions are boating, hospitality and travel.

I have woke up at times in life and my life was like the movie Hangover, not from alcohol or drugs, but from decisions I made in life or the cards that life dealt me. Although God does not cause the evil, it’s a challenge to see how He will turn the outcome for good like He did in Joseph life and trying to pick of the pieces (clues) of their night life. Life at times is like a scavenger hunt.

I like meat hot off the grill (divorced or widower 1 year). Lately, it’s been like a dog/cat that devours meat thrown in midair (desperate types) some people like cold pizza. I married within 3 years of a divorce, two years for him. Others wait to raise teenagers. Never married alarms go off at intervals (not to awaken love until the time is right) Song of Solomon 8:4.  If a person has been single for a long while, I look to see how many semi-serious relationships they have that way I know they can adjust themselves to be in a relationship. Since relationships are a series of compromises. I've had problems in the past with men never married as far as not being able to make any compromises, but everything had to be their way.

Don't spin your wheels trying to make wrongs right in another relationship. Judas kept the money bag, Herodias nursed a grudge, and the rich man would not give up his riches. Give God the hurt issues. The prodigal son wanted his portion and left. God is my portion (Psalm 73:26 & Lamentations 3:24). I'm glad I have nothing to prove to anybody or heal in life any more. I'm free to be me.

Valuable and Precious Test: a person who treats me as valuable and precious. Do they respect their mother? Too many others don't even see themselves as precious. They were redeemed with a huge price. I am like Henry Ford; I'll casually try out many automobiles to find one affordable and comfortable, but won't buy it unless I'm sure it is the one for me.

Boundaries: Men will be men. Dinner, movie, than it’s fool around on the couch…date two is dinner and fool around on the couch…third date it's fool around the couch until everything is fool around on the couch. Some public venues until you see if the guy is worth fooling around with. Having a soul mate is “liking” a person before you love them. (1 Cor. 13 love is patient)

Make Dating Fun: I was invited for a first date in a hot air balloon. I was too fearful to try it. Museums, boating, ice skating, open air concerts, fishing, sailing, any non-traditional dating places. My greatest times are outside my comfort zone. My husband was the 26 person I screened and dated through a single’s ad. I could have used a tape recorder to tell my story by that time.

Discuss Important Matters Ahead: My husband liked to handle the finances. My dad did not, he handed his paycheck to my mother to pay the bills. Too many couples argue over finances. We never fought over money neither did my parents. We disagreed about teen children attending church. It created a rift when I made my teens go to church and his did not. It was a pattern before I met him.

Real men pick up the phone. Matchmakers will tell you that a man who continues to email and text to ask you out on a date is not gutsy enough to make a relationship work. I have dated from being asked out by email or texting, but it never went anywhere so I suggest you make your arrangements by phone from the start or he may break up with you the same way.

Like father like son? I drove my SUV to Ohio alone and the water hoses just broke on it. I like road trips with a person. Boaz protected Ruth. A man who walks me to my car in the dark. Some seem to care more about their own hide. Even Abraham and his son Isaac had that problem (Genesis 20:2-9; 26:8-10). Men are to model Jesus not their fathers (Eph 5:23-33) Sin is selfishness.

Norman Vincent Peale said if you build a person's ego you have made a friend for life. FB is one way we build up each other's self-esteem. I consider it was a joy to build up a man's ego and some make it easier in life. Don't nag, harp on, or criticize a man in public. Respect goes two ways. First you must respect yourself. A man who respects us and our bodies (Ephesians 5:33)

Where are spiritual coaches? Sports, apprenticeship, midwives, and financial advisors. My mother taught me to cook and sew. My sister to refinish furniture. Some lessons are osmosis. Are we leaving others to follow what is right in their own eyes? (Proverbs 21:2; 14:12; Judges 17:6) But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

If you go to a horse race, you are going to put your money on the best horse, unless you like taking a gamble and betting on a new horse. Relationships are a gamble so I can gage how the relationship will be by a man’s relationship track record. How long did he stay in his previous marriage or relationship? Did he do everything in his power to save his marriage? Does he keep his word?

Dating is like the game Red Light/Green Light. Too many red flags come up. Stop dating the person early. Other times as I get to know him there may be a caution light added that there is problem area ahead. Too whiny, argumentative, unreasonable, undependable and judgmental views of other people. (Come let us reason together says the Lord, Isaiah 1:18). Looking for the green light.

Is he available legally and emotionally? I dated a man whose wife died only seven months. He broke up with me because he changed his mind about what he wanted. You want a man who knows what he wants (emotionally). He got married soon later, but he was not happy because he was not happy with himself. If a man is separated than he is not legally available. (James 1:8)

It is nice to know men who are trying to follow God. No shortage of men when I attend a sporting event like the Colts games, a car show, the 500-mile Race, the bowling alley, or the Star Wars convention twice in town. There are plenty of single men; there is a shortage of single men at church. You are one of a kind! I guess God still has his 7K who has not bowed their knee to Baal.

My man was for the playground and women friends were my garbage dumping station. I agree with James Dobson that men are not emotionally capable of handling burdens as women. Women used to be closer and work together in canning fruits and vegetables. Women are learning to be better friends but still have a long way to go in bearing one another burdens and fulfilling the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

A Thomas Edison Christian: I am not a picky eater, but I try to eat what is good for me. I try to find who is good for me. Sent out 50 resumes for a job with good benefits. Looked at 20 homes for a 4-bedroom house. Keep asking, seeking, and knocking. The door will open. (Luke 11:9-10, Matthew 7:7.) Men ought always to pray and not faint (give up hope or cow down under pressure) Luke 18:1.

Familiarity can breed contempt. Would you pick your nose, burp, pass gas, or gripe about the menu prices if you were on a date with Cameron Diaz? We want to be treated like a queen not like one of the guys. If you have a man's heart you have his wallet and vice versa. Where your treasure is there will be your heart. What does he spend his money on...that is his treasure.

Married women: Men like fantasy movies...#1 box office hits. Like children again, let’s pretend. Create an alter ego. All comic book action heroes have alter egos. Men like Cat Woman. If your spouse is your best play mate than maybe he will look less at magazine play mates! When you learn your dance partner’s moves than dancing becomes an art. It’s like Patrick Swayze and his wife dancing.

The Little Engine that Could: If you are with a person with faith as as small as a mustard seed (Mark 4:31), when the terrain gets tough it is like an SUV in 4-wheel drive. Don’t wake up like Indiana Jones and the pilots have parachuted out of the plane. A person with endurance and perseverance (2 Peter 1:5-8; Romans 15:4) We can…we can make it! (As a man thinketh in heart so is he, Proverbs 23:7

I visited a 70-year old widow whose daughter and grandchildren are too busy to go see her. There many people shut-in and neglected in nursing homes. How does a man/woman treat her relatives and family? Are they a top priority? We may not get along with everyone but we should some. Same with friends...do they have good friendships?

If you have a hard time reaching your goals in life than put on inspirational movies like Seabiscuit, Dreamer, Secretariat, or Abraham Lincoln. Read inspirational books or biographies on successful people like Tony Dungy's book on mentorship. Read the Bible!

Check out what is on the market. I shopped for a car, house, job, college. I looked around and yet Christians don’t believe in shopping and scoping. God sent the spies to check out the promise land. My mama told me you better “shop around.” I know too many Christians who ended up in the wrong relationship because they did not shop around.

Supportive of Your Vision: My husband was always supportive of my vision in working on my college degree and he helped me with my children to make it easier to go to classes. If you like sailing, find another sailor. Determine your top passions and then go for a person who fulfills those dreams in your life. I like a fish in my boat (literally) and am just finding some.

When my husband told me that his ex-wife had proposed to him, I told him I would not chase him, I would not propose to him, he was going to pursue me. He was a shy man when it came to love, but I found when you let a man take the lead in a relationship, he will take it. When he obeyed the spirit of God in his life our lives were smooth..submitting "as unto the Lord."

A partnership not a dictatorship. Submitting one to another in the fear of the Lord. Ephesians 5:21. It’s being a helpmate, not a floor mate (1 Peter 3:7 …weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.) A couple who walks in love and has a prayer life together is a threat to Satan. We are heirs together.  We are in the fight of life together.