I believe there are different reproaches for women in our society. One is being divorced (rejected). I’ve tested it. When I’ve spoken to some men that were not interested in me at a social and then told them I was widowed, all of a sudden they became interested. Next, being widowed. I’ve tested that too where men are afraid of the “halo” affect and they can’t measure up to the former husband. Some women feel rejected that are never married or could not have children. I had a person who came boating with me a couple of times who committed suicide from depression last November who had a break-up of her engagement, and could not have children.
I have a friend who married at the age of 50 years old. She was not very social, because of the way she was raised by her mother, and it was a huge adjustment. Her mother would not let her socialize as a child, have friends or go to slumber parties so she carried that “un-socialization” into adulthood and then married late in life.
I believe this is why Paul talked about how singles can serve the Lord better, but I find so many Christians try to put some guilt trip on others for wanting to get married. It says that one of the “signs” in the last days is people’s attitudes to “forbid to marry” and dishonor marriage. Paul’s encouragement for singles has been used as a “yoke of bondage” on those of us who are not called to be single or celibate.
They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 1 Timothy 4:3
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4
Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. Isaiah 54:4
Envy is not the same as jealousy. Jealousy wants what another person has, but envy does not want you to have it, because we don’t have it. A good example of envy in the Bible is the woman who lost her baby to death. She really did not want the other woman’s baby, she wanted her baby back. She was envious that the woman still had a baby. She told Solomon, “kill the baby so it’s neither her baby or my baby.” It bugged her that the woman had a baby and her baby died.
The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" 1 King 3:26
Jealousy is what Joseph went through with his brothers. They were jealous that their father Jacob loved Joseph more than them. Parents can feed sibling rivalry and it’s hard to show the same amount of affection to all your children. With children they remind me of international students. International students who live in China and India have this tendency to send us tons of email at work or will call to make sure their request gets handled at the university where I work. It’s because they come from a country with so many people. It’s the same with a big family. I find the child or the baby bird that squawks the loudest for the most attention, will get their request first. I raised a family of six children at home.
That is what Cain asked God. “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Genesis 4:9, and Cain killed Abel because of jealousy.
For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. Philip 2:21
Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 1 Cor. 10:24
even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. 1 Cor. 10:33
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor. 13:5
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philip 2:4
I know a woman who can’t have children, and she went through a lot of expensive fertility treatments. Her empty arms ache for a baby like the woman who lost her baby to hold. When women come with the strollers to show off their babies, she closes the door and cries. I know she does the best she can to overcome this, and she poured herself into spending time with her nephews.
I realize how difficult it must have been for Sarah in the Bible to wait for 25 years in watching all those couples with children when she was barren. Same way with Rebecca, it took her 18 years to conceive. Both Sarah and Hannah received ridicule for not having children, Sarah by Hagar and Hannah by her other husband’s wife. Elizabeth and Zacharias had given up hope for a child, in fact he refused to believe an angel’s report that his wife was going to conceive so he was not allowed to talk for one who year, probably not to negate his faith or a miracle from happening his life. God just shut his trap/mouth.
And Zacharias said to the angel, Whereby shall I know this? for I am an old man, and my wife well stricken in years. And the angel answering said to him, I am Gabriel, that stand in the presence of God; and am sent to speak to you, and to show you these glad tidings. And, behold, you shall be dumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed, because you believe not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season. And the people waited for Zacharias, and marveled that he tarried so long in the temple. And when he came out, he could not speak to them: and they perceived that he had seen a vision in the temple: for he beckoned to them, and remained speechless. And it came to pass, that, as soon as the days of his ministration were accomplished, he departed to his own house.
And after those days his wife Elisabeth conceived, and hid herself five months, saying, Thus has the Lord dealt with me in the days wherein he looked on me, to take away my reproach among men."
Whenever I’m out at events like the State Fair, at church on Sunday, shopping, and whenever I see couples kissing and holding each other, I say, “God bless that couple.” It is what helps me overcome the loss that my family is gone. My kids are grown and I miss the honeymoon I would have had with my husband I lost in life.
I finally overcame envy, by praying for others that God would bless them with a mate. A good example is the movie “Maid to Order.” It was about a rich girl who had everything, but she did not appreciate it. She lost everything and in the process she learned to wish for other people’s dream and wishes to come true in life. She learned to put others above herself by wanting their happiness above her own. I’m finding what pleases the heart of my father. Like the movie, it pleases my Father God when I grant other people’s wishes in life and pray for them. It’s like “Make a Wish Foundation” that grants wishes to cancer patients, or “Home Improvement” that grants people a new home. In the spiritual realm when we pray for others, we are sending forth angels to grant other people’s wishes.
After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job 42:10
I know a lot of single people pray for their marriage partner, but I am showing you a different strategy to meeting your spouse and that is to put your brother’s needs above yourself. We “reap what we sow” pray for other single people to find their partner in life.
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